


Raise Your Right Hand and Repeat After Me

by Willbakefordean



Series: Who Doesn't Love a Man in Uniform [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Bottom Cas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Librarian Castiel, Love Letters, M/M, Male carrier fic, Soldier Dean, Top Dean, Unplanned Pregnancy, but sorta planned in life just not now, ish, maybe a little food pornish..., pregnancy symptoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-07-21 22:54:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7408450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willbakefordean/pseuds/Willbakefordean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas and Dean begin the journey of Dean joining the Air Force. Dean is leaving for Basic Military Training in Texas and they will have to be apart for seven and a half weeks. Where will Cas spend the time and how will they do without each other's constant companionship?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Last Supper

**Author's Note:**

> I am basing this on some of my experiences, but I am also altering reality to suit my fancy..Shocked aren't you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean share a final evening together, saying goodbye to the life they have known for the past ten years, knowing they will be apart for seven and a half weeks...it isn't easy to do.

Sam’s old room had become ground zero for collecting all the items Dean needed for basic training. Cas had taken charge of the project, carefully laying  out each piece on the bed after checking them off the list, and Dean had let him. He knew Cas was excited about what he called their adventure, but he also sensed apprehension from his husband as well. It didn’t take a genius to figure out Cas was dreading the separation for the training period, hell, he was dreading it himself. Making sure Dean was ready was how Cas was coping with it.

Cas and Dean had not spent a night apart since they had from graduated  high school and Cas had moved in with Dean and Sam. Living together and co raising Sam had intertwined their two lives irrevocably. It would be a difficult time apart but if everything went according to plan, worth it in the end.

Dean slid his arms around the waist of his very serious husband as he went over the checklist one more time. “We got everything now, Babe?”

“Yep, that package today was your plain shower shoes, I got you black, and plain back watch. That should be all of it,” Cas answered leaning back into Dean’s embrace.  “Splurging on Amazon Prime was really worth it.”

Dean cringed at the thought that Cas saw prime as a splurge. He would make sure Cas had everything he deserved once they were really on their feet. This was a new beginning for them and a chance for Dean to finally spoil Cas a little. He had never once balked at helping raise Sam, always putting the younger Winchester’s needs first without question. Dean would make it up to him, all they had to do was get through the time apart before their first station.  

“Dinner’s ready and then I have big plans for dessert,” Dean teased as he turned Cas in his arms and kissed him suggestively. Cas hummed and deepened the kiss before they broke to breathe. Both panting, they melted into each other and held on tight.

“I think I may have been kissed like that when I agreed to this whole you going away for months thing…” Dean felt Cas mumble into his neck.

“I mighta glossed that part over myself,” Dean chuckled. “Come on, I made carbonara for you...last supper and all.”

“Garlic bread?”

“Cheesy garlic bread for my sexy librarian.”

Cas moaned, “Oooh I’ll have to shush you for being noisy later.”

They enjoyed a quiet, rather sensual dinner in their almost empty apartment. Bites of creamy pasta fed off of each other’s forks and buttery garlic bread with stringy cheese nibbled until lips met softened the blow of their last night in the same bed for several months.

When the last bites were eaten, it finally hit Dean that their lives were changing. Though the memories made here were ones he would never trade, he would not miss this tiny apartment.  

It had come furnished all those years ago when he had first rented, so they had packed their few boxes of personal items, mostly photos and books. They donated or tossed anything they didn't want to store at Gabriel’s house and the rest of their lives fit in three suitcases.

Tonight, Sunday,  was their last night at their old place. “Ground control to Airman Winchester…” Dean heard Cas say and he realized he had zoned out in his thoughts.

“Sorry, Babe, thinking way too much.”

“Just let me clean up the dishes and then you can think about dessert,” Cas offered in a tone that made Dean shiver in the best of ways.

Cas tossed out the paper plates and plastic silverware and placed the empty pot in the sink. “Done...and I am throwing that fucking pot in the garbage when we leave here. Now you said something about dessert?” Cas grinned and his voice kept a rather naughty tone.

Dean teased with a shake of his head, “I may have mentioned dessert earlier, but...”

“You didn’t just mention dessert, you specifically said, and I quote, ‘I have big plans for dessert.’”Cas emphasized the word big as he sauntered over to Dean and straddled himself on his husband’s lap.

“Oh...gonna start right here are we?” Dean huffed out as Cas wiggled his hips into better position.

“Got to take advantage of every last moment, right?” Cas whispered against Dean’s neck. Then Dean felt his husband’s hips still and his head drop to his shoulder and instinctively, Dean pulled Cas closer.

“Hey…” he said softly. “It won’t be that long and you’ll have fun in California with Sam and don’t forget Jess. I mean, we always said we wished we had more time to get to know her, right?”

Cas nodded against his shoulder and took in a shuddery breath..

Dean rubbed his hands up and down Cas’ back . “You know if you changed your mind, you can stay with Gabe. Nobody will care…’sup to you...Cas?”

Cas let out a deep sigh and lifted his head. “No, I want to go to Sam’s. We’ll be fine, you’re right. It’s just starting to feel real now, you know?”

“I do, Babe.” Dean said as he pressed their foreheads together.

Cas rubbed the tips of their noses and then Dean saw the corners of his mouth tip up. “I don’t want to ruin our last night, I’m sorry.” He stood up off Dean’s lap, threw his head back, and called out loudly, “ WINCHESTER! Take me to bed or lose me forever!”

Dean laughed a deep belly laugh and called back, “Fucking Christ Cas! How many times do I have to tell you that movie was about the navy!”

It didn’t, however, stop Dean from throwing Cas over his shoulder and hauling him up to their empty bedroom! Cas was slightly smaller than Dean but he was all muscle and made for a hefty carry.

They wasted no time ridding each other of their clothing. Dean's mouth was on Cas’ quick and firm before he began to nibble his way across his stubbly jaw to place kisses behind his husband’s sensitive ear. Cas growled and flipped them over sliding their bodies together causing mutual groans. Dean felt his husband’s incredibly hot mouth makes it’s way down his chest towards his nipples and Dean couldn't help but shake with anticipation. Cas kissed and teased and avoided for what seemed like forever before finally sucking a peaked nub into his warm mouth. Dean hissed at the thrill of the sensation and then Cas made his way across to the other side to repeat the torture or pleasure, whichever it was.

All the while,  Cas’ wicked hands caressed his  shoulders and biceps and he hummed filthy moans as Dean responded to his touch. Cas’ touch was nearly paralyzing to Dean. He barely had the wherewithal to slip his fingers into Cas’ silky,  soft hair.

When Dean’s brain caught up to the rest of his body, he returned the favor and tasted all his favorite places on Cas. When he finally made his way to Cas’ perfectly toned runner’s ass, he parted his cheeks and kissed his way from the small of his back to the tight furl of his hole. He licked and kissed and snapping open the lube Cas had thrown him, fingered Cas until he was a writhing mess and very well open.

Dean turned his husband over, he wanted to see his face and kiss him. He wanted to sear Cas’ blue eyes and sweet smile into his brain for the next seven and a half weeks they would be apart.  He kissed his way up Cas’ inner thighs, then went on to his hipbones, completely ignoring his hard and dribbling cock.  Dean planted warm wet kisses to his washboard abs(damn Cas and his perfect body) and tongued at his belly button, earning a giggle from Cas. Open mouth kisses to each nipple had Cas writhing and looking for friction for his hardness.

“Please,” Cas uttered in a breathy plea to Dean. He finally took mercy on his beautiful husband and getting a bit more lube in his hand, slicked himself up holding the base of his cock as the head nudged at Cas’ entrance. As he inched his way forward, he took the same lube covered hand and moved it to slowly stroke Cas’ aching length. As he stroked, Cas moaned and Dean felt his husband open up and give way. He slid carefully until he was fully sheathed in Cas’ welcoming heat.

He felt Cas’ legs come up to wrap around his waist and he leaned forward bracing his hands on either side of Cas’ blissful face, kissing him deeply and taking in every sound he heard. Dean found a rhythm that had Cas gasping and grunting with every thrust. He slid his hand between them and stroked and soothed the ache of Cas’ trapped erection that needed a little more friction.

The two men locked eyes and chased their pleasure each concerned just a bit more than usual to make sure the other enjoyed themselves fully.

Their hips began to lose rhythm and Cas had planted his feet on the bed to meet Dean’s thrusts. “Dean...I...I…”

“‘Sokay Babe, I’m there too…” Dean reassured Cas as he stroked his cock reading that Cas needed the touch to finish. “Come on, sweetheart, let go…”

They came within seconds of each other, eyes never closing and though they were always generous, attentive lovers to each other, they both needed this connection before they separated. Their orgasms were deep and visceral and they called out low and long.

They panted and hung on as they settled down from their efforts.

“Jesus, Dean…”

“That was fucking perfect, Babe...thank you…” Dean suddenly felt his eyes and throat burn with the emotions of everything going on and his words caught. He buried his face in Cas’ sweaty neck and tried not to let him feel his trembling chin. He promised himself he wouldn’t cry before he left for basic training. He didn’t want Cas to remember tears on his face, but he was losing the battle.

Cas seemed to sense it and held on a bit tighter. “We can do anything for seven and a half weeks, right? We will be alright and think of it as the first step in a big adventure.”

Dean lifted his head and kissed him tearfully, “You don’t feel like we should already have a family and be past that part by now?”

The look in Cas’ eyes softened even further. “Oh Honey, no matter where we are or when it happens, life with you will always be an adventure...and I love it.”

 


	2. Swearing In and Shipping Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day comes for Dean to leave for Air Force Basic Military Training. Cas thinks he's prepared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Cas' point of view. He is the character we will follow in most of the chapters in this part of the verse. I have experienced some of this but some I created to fit my needs, you know...the usual.

Gabriel tried to still his bouncing knee with a soft nudge of his own, but Castiel could not help it. Their drive to the Kansas City Military Entrance Processing Station had been mostly silent. Gabe was always a good brother, but a huge prankster. Today he was unusually quiet and calm. Cas knew it was for him and he appreciated it. Sitting in the rows of chairs in the large room with all the other families waiting to see their enlistees sworn in was building tension. It had already been alarming when they were let through the gates of the base by guards holding guns across their chests.  It only added to the nerves that  had started yesterday when he had to watch Dean drive off in a van headed for the very place they sat now. It was all he had been thinking about

_Cas had dropped him off at the recruiter’s local office preparing to spend his first night without Dean in a very long time. Gabe had said goodbye from his house when they had dropped off the last of the boxes and Cas’s suitcases. Bobby had come to say his goodbyes and he left giving the couple their last private moment. Dean had kissed him deeply, passionately, but it was not the wanton kind of passion he usually felt when they kissed. It was chaste and thorough, full of affection._

_“I love you, Babe. My heart…” Dean spoke voice trembling slightly. He cleared his throat and set his chin, “but I promise to make you proud of me. I’ll work hard and reach every goal I can. You’ll never want for anything again and we’ll have a family and they won’t either. I swear it.”_

_Cas cringed at the pain in his husband’s voice. He didn’t know if Dean was emotional because they were going to be apart or if Dean really thought Cas wasn’t proud of him. “Dean, I am always proud of you, always. Don’t think you have to do this to prove yourself to me. I’ll be even prouder now, but I am always proud you’re my husband, and all I have ever wanted was to be by your side. Please tell me you know that.”_

_Dean kissed him again. “I know, babe. I do, really.  I’ll think about that everyday, all the time, okay?”_  

 _“We’re gonna see each other tomorrow you know…this isn’t goodbye just yet” Cas took Dean’s face in his hands and brushed his thumbs on his cheeks before placing a soft kiss on his lips._  

_“Yeah, but the recruiter told us to say our real goodbyes today. Cas, there won’t be any privacy tomorrow...this is it. We’ll be with all the other families and enlistees tomorrow, understand?”_

_“I do. I hadn’t thought about it like that but I do understand. Do we get to kiss goodbye tomorrow?” Cas asked brow knit in concern._

_"Don’t you worry, I’ll give you a kiss goodbye that you won’t soon forget.” Dean said laughing in the rich tone that always made Cas feel warm all over. “They’ll catch us kissing in a photo and put in on the cover of a magazine, like that sailor pic you like so much.”_

_"That was a photo that captured the end of a war Dean...not going into the military,” Cas huffed out in exasperation, blushing at the thought of Dean kissing him like that in front of everyone._

_Dean opened the door of the car as he said, “That was before our kiss, Babe. We’ll be front page news for recruitment...you’ll see.”_

_Cas got out on his side of baby and met Dean at the trunk to retrieve the backpack they had so carefully packed together. They snuck a few more kisses  and then they saw a van with military markings  pull into the parking lot._

_“Looks like it’s time, Babe. C’mere.” Dean snuggled into Cas’ neck and gave him a quick hickey low, by his collar bone._

_“Hey!” Cas objected, grabbing his neck despite the fact that it gave him shivers_

_“Just a little something to remember me by,” Dean laughed and slung his backpack over one shoulder. He wrapped his free arm around Cas’ waist and pulled Cas in for a final hug and kiss before walking to stand with the other recruits. He shook hands with a couple of them when he walked up._

_Cas heard the sergeant call roll and watched as one by one they all climbed into the van._

_“Two can play that game Mr. Winchester,” Cas said aloud to himself as he leaned back against the side of the impala and crossed his arms, posing as the van drove by. Yeah he was pretty sure Dean wouldn’t forget that anytime soon by the look on his face and the pat on the back he got from the guy sitting next to him._

The sound of a door opening near him startled Cas back into the present and he turned to see all of the recruits exit a room adjacent to where he and Gabe were sitting. He saw Dean and waved when he caught his eye. 

Dean melted into Cas and whispered in his ear, “Missed you, didn’t sleep much without you.”

“Me either, sweetheart,” he answered rubbing Dean’s back. He was careful what he said, Dean seemed a little sad. Cas worked everything into a positive tone and soon Dean was smiling. Dean thanked Gabe for coming and the three filled the next hour of waiting with Dean telling them he had had fun the night before playing video games and hanging out with the other people who were joining. He told them about some of the other people sharing what branch of the service they were joining and what their jobs were.  There were a few quiet moments here and there and Cas and Dean kept their fingers laced together the entire time. It was their final chance to be together for seven and a half weeks and they took advantage of it.

An officer in the US Army came into the room and directed all recruits to what he called the red room. He explained to the families that their loved ones were in a travel briefing and preparing for the actual swearing in ceremony. He then called out names and handed the flight plan for that recruit to a member of the family. He outlined what the rest of the recruits’ day would look like and told the families to expect a quick call this evening and then another in a couple of days when the recruits had settled into their flights at Basic Military Training.

They were given folders that were full of information about BMT for their particular branch of the service and soon after were ushered into the red room to wait for the recruits to be sworn in.

Men and women, some still looking like boys and girls, filed into the small room lined with heavy burgundy curtains. They walked with an air of formality and stood with their arms behind their backs and feet apart. None of them looked anywhere but ahead. This was it and Cas got his camera ready. He elbowed Gabe who did the same.

The same army officer came in and spoke about the honor of being in the military and how many tried to enter through their facility. “Over three thousand men and women come through our Kansas City MEPS doors every year in hopes of enlisting in one of the armed forces. Today you are looking at a few of the 800 or so that make it. We take only those capable of being the best. I am proud of these men and women and you should be as well. They have made it this far and already I will stand beside them, fight with them, protect them as they will protect me. After today they will head to their basic  training and then off to their technical schools where they will learn their specific role of their service. But they are already part of a select group, worthy of the honor of a military uniform.”

Cas was emotional upon hearing the moving words from the officer. The idea of Dean being in the military had always been for the stability of the income and the health care, but today he realized that Dean and he as well, would be part of something much larger than what he originally thought. His heart swelled with pride unlike it ever had before.

Things moved quickly after that and he filmed Dean as they were all being sworn in. Cas jumped a little as the group went from a relaxed position to full attention while their repeated the oath of the military during the ceremony. They clapped for them and then the enlistees, no longer just recruits, filed out into another room to sign final paperwork. Cas and Gabe went back to the waiting area and soon were joined by Dean once more.

Families were going back into the red room to take photos and Cas looked hopefully at Dean.

“Sure babe, let’s get some pictures. I know how you librarians are about preserving memories.” Dean teased as they headed into the room to wait their turn. Gabe snapped lots of pics of Dean and Cas in front of the heavy red backdrop of curtains with the flags of the armed services on one side and the american flag on the other. Someone even volunteered to take one with Gabe in it

They stepped into the hall and Dean said, “We have to go to the room over there for lunch now. This is where we say goodbye Babe.”

Cas could see other families hugging and parting ways, lots of crying. He swore he would not add to Dean’s stress by making a scene, still he was unprepared for it to be so soon. “Okay, sweetheart,” he said forcing a smile for his husband.

Gabe broke the tension, offering his hand, “Good luck, Deano. I’ll keep an eye on him for you. Take care, I’m proud of you.” Cas watched as Gabe pulled Dean in for a hug. He felt tears prick but fought them back. It wasn’t like Dean and Gabe didn’t get along, but their relationship was more about ball busting than serious moments like this.

“Thanks Gabe. I appreciate it...everything. Thanks for coming.”  Dean answered.

Gabe nodded, turned and left Dean and Cas to have their own goodbye. “See you Dean, I’ll be at the car Cas.”

Cas stepped close to Dean and they embraced for the final time. Suddenly Cas didn't care about the lack of privacy. He closed his eyes and  kissed Dean open mouthed and full of emotion. He ran his hands from Dean’s waist up his back memorising every firm line of muscle and soft love handle. He cradled his head and touched his ears, then down to his shoulders, taking in every part of his husband’s body he deemed decent. He opened his eyes and re-memorized every freckle and shade of green in his eyes. He counted every lash and ran his thumbs over his cheekbones and up over his eyebrows. He saved it all to memory and then he kissed him one last time, chaste and sweet. “I love you Dean Winchester and I am the proudest husband in the whole of the military, every fucking branch. You got that?”

Dean cleared his throat, “Yeah Mr. Winchester, military spouse...I got it for sure.”

They held on a few minutes longer, then parted with a final kiss, walking towards the door. “Dean let go of Cas’ hand reluctantly, “Love you Babe, take care. I’ll call as soon as I can. Safe flight to Sam’s, okay..”

“I love you too, Honey. Don’t worry about me. Work hard...concentrate on what you need to do. Try to have some fun if you can.” Cas had read a few Air Force slogans and they suddenly popped into his brain. He called across the lobby to Dean, “Fly Fight Win, Love..!”

Dean blew him a kiss and as corny as it sounds Cas caught it and brought it to his lips. As he turned to go he saw an Air Force officer standing nearby reached out and offered Cas his hand.  “Son, that’s the proper way to see your spouse off to training, no tears and shout of encouragement. Good man..Mr…”

“Winchester, Castiel Winchester. Proud Air Force Spouse, Sir.” Cas left the building feeling better than he ever thought he could. He met Gabe leaning against the impala.

“You okay little brother?”

“Yeah, I’m good, better than I thought...for now at least,” He laughed.  

“Okay, off the airport with you then.” Gabe drove him to the Kansas City airport and helped him check in his three suitcases. Paying for extra luggage was still cheaper than paying to ship it. His flight was at 2:15 and it was already 11:30 so he and Gabe said goodbye and he headed for security.

“Call me if you want to come visit or if you need anything.” Gabe said as they hugged and parted.

“Thanks, Gabe. You’re a great brother, you know that, right?”

“Of course I do. Can’t get better than this,” He joked pointing from his head to his toes. “Love you, baby brother, fly safe. Call me.”

Cas turned to the security gates and entered the long line.

******

It had been a long day. He had been delayed out of Kansas city and though it was a direct flight, it had been hard for the airline to find him a new one. He was now arriving San Francisco time at 10:30 pm instead of 6:30,  which really made it 12:30 am to him. He had started his day at 5:00 am to get to Kansas city without being late, so he was beat.  

On top of that Dean had texted throughout the time he had in the airport and then had actually called him from Texas while Cas had still been in Kansas City waiting for his flight. The texts had been nice to get and they sent multiple messages back and forth. Dean always knew how to make Cas laugh. The call however was short and curt and had made everything real.

He had answered his phone quickly when it rang. He was in line to board his plane finally when he heard his husband’s serious voice.

“Hey Cas, it’s me. I made it here and I am headed for the base. I’m not allowed to talk just to let you know I’m safe. Bye.”

He never even got to answer him. It was a long flight for Cas to analyze the apprehension in Dean’s voice. By the time he landed, he had translated it to Dean sounding scared... and even though he knew it was reasonable for Dean to be a bit afraid of the unknown or being yelled at, Cas was upset for him. Of course it also began to sink in that he would not see Dean for almost two months and would speak to him very little either.

Cas began to feel his emotions getting the better of him. They usually did when he was tired.  He fought it most of the day, and getting a starbucks coffee, a rare treat, had actually gave him a case of the jitters which did not help.

Before he had taken off, he had texted Sam as well to keep him updated of his travel issues. Now he was landing and would see his brother in law. He knew Sam was worried about Dean a bit too, and he hoped he could hold it together and reassure him. He was the older one here and he needed to help Sam adjust to the idea of Dean in the military.

It was nearly impossible to miss someone as tall as Sam in a crowd. He made eye contact and waved as he made his way through the travellers to his brother in law. Jess was beside him, both of them smiling and holding something. It was a sign...it read “Welcome Home, Mr. Winchester...USAF Spouse...Fly Fight Win!”

He barely contained his emotions as he hugged Sam warmly. He hugged Jess too, and knew he’d spend enough time with her to become easier in his affections towards her. He could feel her sincerity when she hugged him back.

They waited for his luggage and each took a large bag and wheeled them out to the car. Sam clicked the locks on his black Volvo SUV and loaded the luggage. It wasn’t the impala, but it was a nice, new  car with lots of room for his bags and the three of them. Cas couldn’t think of anyone who deserved nice things more, except maybe Dean. That's the thought that sent Cas into an emotional spiral.

He climbed into the back seat of the car before either Sam or Jess could object, claiming he didn’t want Jess to sit in the back by herself. Really he hoped the dark would hide him and give him a chance to get himself together. He’d had enough for one day and was upset, not at anything in particular, just suddenly sad. He knew it was really because he missed Dean.

He made it to their apartment without incident but barely trusted himself to speak. He could see Sam and Jess looking at each other, and knew they were aware of his lack of conversation. He told himself that he just needed to sleep and he would be fine.

“Well thanks for coming to get me tonight and for putting up with me for a few months. I really appreciate it.” Cas said  hoping they would just show him to his room and he could flop into bed and go to sleep. He was about to lose it and cry and he wanted it to be a private meltdown.

“Cas, man, you’re no trouble. We’re glad to have you here. You alright? You seem a little quiet tonight,” Sam asked.

Jess jumped in and answered first, “I’m sure he’s just tired, right Cas? Here, why don’t I show you to your room and Sam can bring your bags. Come on…" 

She led him up a beautiful wooden staircase to a large room with an ensuite bathroom. Both were  decorated in a soft grey and Cas felt very comfortable. There was a large bed with a beautiful toile quilt and dark wooden furniture. The bathroom had a large free standing tub for soaking in. He would love a bath tonight but didn’t want to keep everyone up. There was  an actual  walk in closet and Sam put his bags in it until he wanted to unpack.

His eyes wandered to a photo on the bedside table. He walked over and picked it up. It was him and Dean on their wedding day. It was a surprise for everyone but them and it was beautiful. They wore simple dress pants and vests with colored ties. Dean wore grey and green, Cas wore black with a charcoal vest and blue tie. He held the picture to his chest and felt the tears begin to fall. He could not hold them back any longer.

Cas felt Sam put his arm around him and he leaned into the man who was once the boy he helped raise. “It’s alright, Cas. It’ll be hard at first. You guys have been together for so long. It’ll get easier.”

As embarrassed as he was, he couldn’t help but continue to cry as he spoke, “I know, I’m okay...I’m okay. I’m just really exhausted.” He sniffed in a sob and continued to try to get it together. “I didn’t sleep at all without Dean last night and it’s just been a hell of a long day,”

“Hey,” Jess came up on his other side. “We made this room as a guest room for you and Dean, you know. Sam said you like to take baths, so I picked out a really cool soaker tub. You want to try it? Might help you sleep tonight?”

“Yeah, how ‘bout it, Cas?” Sam agreed.

He was happy they didn’t mind if he took a bath and  he tried desperately to take a deep breath and answer,  but it ended up shuddering out of him. He just ended up nodding and then Jess disappeared. He heard the bath water start. Sam pulled him in for a hug, and Cas just cried. 

“I miss him, Sam. I didn’t expect it to be so hard so fast. I didn’t expect it to actually hurt so bad.”

“Take it easy for a few days, read a book. Explore the area. Come meet us for lunch downtown,” Sam said as Cas pulled away. “Then when you’re ready, I got friends at lots of libraries and two of them want to meet you, maybe hire you for part time work, if you’re interested.”

Cas wipes his eyes and smiled. Working sounded good. “Any kids involved?” Cas really wanted to be a children’s librarian.

“Yep. I got some emails I’ll show you at lunch tomorrow if you feel up to it.”

“Thanks, Sam.” Cas said as Jess came out to let him know the tub was full. He hugged her and thanked her for getting it ready and for getting the tub to begin with. They laughed over the fact that she loved baths too.

Cas had a toothbrush and a change of clothes in his backpack just in case they lost his luggage, so he headed into the bathroom. He would have time to unpack tomorrow. There were new fluffy grey towels and a basket full of different bath salts and bombs for him to choose from. He chose lemongrass bath salts and soaked a good long time. He still missed Dean when he crawled into bed, but he figured here with new things to do, could find ways to distract himself for the next two months. At least he had hope...and a soaking tub. 

He took a small photo frame out of his backpack. It was a selfie of he and Dean lying in bed clearly naked but wrapped in the sheets. Their faces were glowing with happiness. Cas kissed Dean's face and placed the picture on the bedside table, in front of the wedding picture. It wasn't the usual kiss goodnight, but it would have to do.

 


	3. Settling into a Routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas makes an effort to settle into his temporary life, and hears from Dean. He is sad and realizes that he is not the only one, Sam is struggling with the separation as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is going to be a bit corny, but I love the poem I chose...it's cliche, I get it...move on, let me be romantic like an old lady...okay???

Cas tied his shoes and went down to meet Sam. It was only his first run in California. He had allowed one day for feeling sorry for himself and then thought about Dean. He figured that his husband didn’t have the luxury of staying in bed and avoiding the world so how fair would it be for Cas to have that privilege.

Last night when he told Sam he  would like to try his daily running route, the concern drained from his face and he got a glimpse of the eager, happy boy of Sam’s youth. So Cas had gotten up at six and thrown on the shorts and a t-shirt he had dug out of his suitcase. He drank a glass of water at the kitchen sink and then tucked his phone into the armband he wore when he ran.

“Ready to see Stanford on foot? I run right through the university, it’s a pretty good 5k route. That alright for the first time?” Sam asked as he bounced into the kitchen. Cas could tell that Sam was still a little worried about him by the way he talked like he was fragile.

“That’s great, Sam. 5K is what I usually do,” Cas responded with a smile. “After flying on Tuesday and skipping yesterday, I need a good run.”

They headed out and ran through the neighborhood and down quiet streets to the campus. Sam pointed things out so Cas tucked his head phones into his shirt. It was nice to get feel of the town he would be living in for several months. There were only seven and a half weeks of basic training, but Cas would live with Sam and Jess while Dean was in Tech School as well. That would be at least three maybe four more months.

As he ran, Cas wondered if Dean was running yet. Dean didn’t like running at all but had gotten Cas to train him a bit so he could run a few miles before he left for basic. Maybe they were both running at the same time. That made Cas smile and then he remembered that he might get a call from Dean today. The pounding of his feet on the pavement lightened at that thought.

Cas was impressed with the number of people up so early and how many of them greeted Sam by name. Sam waved and said hello to them all but never stopped running with Cas. He continued talking to him and even pointed out both libraries he had told Cas about for potential jobs. They ended up back at the apartment building by seven. They were let in by the doorman. It was a beautiful mission style building as noted as they climbed the stairs, too sweaty to be trapped in an elevator. Once in the apartment, both headed off to shower.

When Cas came down to the kitchen, Jess was dressed for work in a pair of grey slacks and a pink blouse and making a smoothie. She offered some to Cas. The had a ninja blender and Cas was not going to hide his happiness at that being in the kitchen. He was going to ask Dean for one for Christmas or his birthday when they were settled.

“Morning, Cas,” Jess said stepping on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Would you like some? I’m afraid it’s as much breakfast as I make during the week.”

“Sure, no...don’t worry I love smoothies. I’ve been wanting to get a nutri bullet for a while.”

“Today, I’ve got greek yogurt, kale, blueberries and strawberries...how’s that sound?” Jess offered.

“Perfect, can I help you?”

“Just grab a few of those cups with lids there in the basket.” It was loud as Jess turned on the blender.

She took the cups from Cas and lined them up on the counter. She poured the bright green drinks and showed Cas how the lids worked, plus she pointed out the drawers where the fat straws were kept. She popped one in each cup and told Cas that the cups and lids could go in the dishwasher when he was done.  

Sam came down in a nice suit that looked like it had been made just for him. He kissed Jess and took his smoothie from the counter. Clearly there was a daily routine here.  “Thanks for coming today Cas. It was great running with you. Got any plans today?”

“I liked the route, it was a nice run. Listen Sam, I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I’m not worried Cas…”

Cas raised an eyebrow and Sam backed down, “Alright I worry! Sue me! You and Dean haven’t lived apart in ten years and you seemed really sad again yesterday...you know…”

“I’m fine...I promise. I am going to unpack today and Dean may get to call. At the briefing on Tuesday  they said the airman usually get to call on Thursday so they can give their training squadron and address. So I’m going to be busy today,” Cas reassured his brother in law.

“Come on Sam, he’s the big brother,  right Cas?” Jess interjected, but her tone was one of teasing her boyfriend.

“Very true, and if Dean calls today, I promise to go see about those library jobs, how’s that sound Sam?” Cas offered. He wanted to work to make sure he wasn’t just living off the generosity of his family. He wanted to contribute and feel independent. Plus he had to save money to get to Texas for Dean’s graduation. He did not have a lot of time for that.

“You don’t have to work, Cas. I just don’t want you home alone and being sad. You don’t deserve that,” Sam said suddenly looking very sad himself.

Cas walked over and hugged his giant brother in law and got a big hug back. “I want to get library experience and I don’t want to be home all day sad either. I promise I am fine. Don’t be so upset for me...your brother and I are grown men, we can handle seven weeks apart.”

Sam sniffed. He was actually crying. Cas hugged him a little tighter. “I’m okay Sam, I promise.”

“I know, I just love you and just...you deserve to be happy.” Sam said softly.

“I love you too and I am happy, Sam. Seeing you and Jess doing so well here makes me very happy...knowing Dean is getting some training and this whole adventure starting makes me happy too. Now go on before you are late.”

Jess stepped in, “Yeah, let’s go puppy dog, get your sad eyes in the car.”

“I’ll call you when Dean calls. I’m going upstairs to unpack now. Thanks for the run and the smoothie,” Cas said making sure his voice was more positive. He did not feel as sad today, but he must still look a little downtrodden for Sam to react like that. Lawyer or not, he would always be the gangly ten year old he met when he started dating Dean.

*****

Cas was in the walk in closet putting away his clothes when he heard his phone ring. He had used an app to record the sound of the impala as Dean’s ringtone. He leapt over the open suitcases and grabbed the phone, sliding his finger to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hey Cas.” Dean answered sounding a little more formal than his normal phone voice.

Cas felt himself smile stupidly wide at the sound of his husband’s voice and said, “Hello Dean, how are you sweetheart?”

“I’m fine, Cas. I don’t have long. Do you have a pen and paper for my address?”

“I do, go ahead...Wait, just in case let me say I love you and I’m proud of you, alright?” Cas’ words came tumbling out of his mouth.

“Alright, Cas. I love you too, Babe. Now write this down, okay?” Cas could hear Dean smile as he talked.

He repeated the address Dean had given him and then asked, “Is everything going well?”

“Yes, we’re doing fine. Now Cas you need to know that you cannot send any packages with food or electronics, actually no packages as all. You can send letters, please send letters, babe and you can send me pictures. But please only send what I can show people, alright?”

Cas got the distinct impression that Dean was reading from a script and that he was also being supervised during the call so he asked, “Is someone listening to what you tall me?”

“Yes. Do you understand what you can send? Nothing private, okay Cas?”

“I got it sweetheart, I understand. You want like a wedding pic and snapshots of us?” Cas clarified.

“Yeah babe, perfect. Cas, I love you. I gotta go now. Write me please? I promise to write back every chance I get. I love you, Cas.”

“I love you too, Dean. So much, so so much. Work hard and look for my letters…”

“Bye Cas, probably won’t call for a while, love you.”

“Bye sweetheart…”

Cas held the phone to his heart when the call ended. Dean sounded great, formal but great. Cas pictured a sergeant or something standing by as all the airmen made their calls home. Thank God Dean was prepared and could handle being ordered and watched. That was one part of life John Winchester had prepared him for.

Cas made a mental note to get Sam or Jess to drive him to the local Walgreens or whatever store they had like it. He needed to get some paper and envelopes and maybe a few cards. He thought they ran by a post office this morning and would stop there tomorrow for some stamps. He could mail his first letter to Dean then as well. He smiled as he thought of he and Dean writing love letters to each other. They had always just been together and never felt the need to do so before, except maybe in birthday cards or for Valentine’s Day.

Before long he had all three of his suitcases unpacked and stored in the far end of the closet. As he looked around, he could not get over how nice his room was. Cas had not seen any dressers in the bedroom though and then when he saw the walk in closet full of drawers and shelves and hanger space, he knew why.

The room was furnished with a black lacquered queen size bed with a high headboard.  The linens were grey and white under the toile quilt and there was a bedside table where he had seen their picture last night. He added a few he had brought of his own, today and also plugged in his phone charger.

There was a padded bench at the food of the bed and a sitting area near the window with a chair, small table, and lamp. There was also a small desk where there might have normally been a dresser. Cas could see himself sitting there before bed and writing to Dean. He gave the room one more look around and satisfied with being unpacked and settled, he went downstairs to make some lunch.

He must have fallen asleep during Jurassic World because he woke to the sounds of Sam and Jess coming in the front door of the apartment. He told them about Dean’s call and asked for a ride after dinner to the store. The three of them had grilled chicken salads for dinner and then they all went out to the Walgreen’s down the street.

Cas purchased a pad of lined paper, envelopes, a few cards and even stamps. He noticed that Sam and Jess chose a few things as well.  Dean would get lots of encouragement for sure.  

The watched Jurassic World on HBO again since Cas had only seen the first half before dozing off and they ate frozen strawberry yogurt with hot fudge. They chatted about Chris Pratt, even Sam couldn’t deny how hot he was, and before long it was time for bed.

*****

Cas knew exactly what he was going to send Dean in his first letter. He sat at the desk in his room and took out some supplies. One of the things he had learned from the small library in Lawrence, from the ancient but lovely librarian, was caligraphy. She had refused to use a stamp and they inscribed every new book with name of the library in beautiful swirls and lines. He had dreaded some days where he inscribed books for hours, but he was suddenly grateful for all the practice.

He dug out the envelope of pictures he had selected before backing all the albums and photos and picked a wedding picture. They had lots of snapshots in addition to the formal pictures Jess had take for them. The woman could take photos. She had captured a moment between the two men as Dean slid the wedding band on Cas’ finger. Cas had his free hand on Dean’s shoulder and they were gazing into each other’s eyes and Cas could still hear Dean’s promises of that day.

They were at the Stanford Memorial Church  on campus. Jess had a friend and when Cas confided in her their plans, she pulled a string or two. Neither Dean nor Cas wanted to get married in the church, both knowing that was probably where Sam and Jess would one day exchange their vows,  There was however a secluded garden spot behind the church with bright flowering bushes and lots of greenery. It had been a perfect place to marry. Cas thought back to the rings they had exchanged and Cas had engraved Dean’s with a line from e.e.Cummings. It read simply, _I carry your heart with me…_

Cas took that wedding picture and placed it to the back of the desk where he could see it as he began his first letter to Dean. It was the e.e. Cumming’s poem in it’s entirety, in beautiful script lettering. It was small enough to fit inside a card with the photo. When he was finished, he read it one final time before sealing the envelope:

_My Dearest Dean,_

_I am so proud of you. Even though this was our plan, I know it cannot be easy for you.  I cannot wait to see you again. I will write more, but I wanted to get this first photo to you and this poem as well. Take care and know I love you with all of my heart._

_Yours forever,_

_Cas_

 

_**i carry your heart with me** _

_i carry your heart with me(i carry it in_

_my heart)i am never without it(anywhere_

_i go you go, my dear;and whatever is done_

_by only me is your doing,my darling)_

_i fear_

_no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want_

_no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)_

_and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant_

_and whatever a sun will always sing is you_

 

_here is the deepest secret nobody knows_

_(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud_

_and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows_

_higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)_

_and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart_

 

 _i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my hear_ t)

 

*****

The next morning he ran beside his brother in law, letter held carefully in his hand and kissed it just before dropping it through the slot.


	4. Love Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven and a half weeks apart is harder than it seems but Cas and Dean hang in there.  
> They maintain their bond through letters and a rare phone call or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to get through. It never quite came together the way I wanted it to. It's not as thorough as I wanted it to be. I wanted to share what each of the boys was going through during Dean’s time at Basic Military Training, but I did not want to submit to you a book report of their activities. Things tend to end up like that when I write sometimes...lol… So I thought sharing some of their letters and phone calls would serve this purpose well. It is not a complete picture of their trial and tribulations, if you will, but we capture the feel of their time apart. Enjoy!

Dear Dean, 

I realized that I might have sounded like Jane Austen in my last letter and though that may not be all bad, it isn’t really my usual style. (Though you are my dearest, lol) I just felt so far apart when I sat down to write and in this day and age it seems so primitive to not be able to speak or text. I felt like I was in a different time. Wow, now I sound like a librarian. 

To remedy that, I have come up with a plan. I thought, what do we do at the end of every day at dinner or in bed (besides that Dean, mind out of the gutter). We tell each other what we did while we were apart that day, right? So how is this different, except with paper and pen…

So, every night before I go to bed I will sit and tell you something about my day in a letter. I hope you do not find it boring, but I would talk to you if you were here and it just makes sense to me. It also helps me not to miss you so badly. 

I do miss you, and I never thought I could feel so lonely for your company, but you do not need to worry about me. I am doing fine here. I took a run with Sam this morning at 6 am. We ran through the campus and right by the post office where I mail your letters. I took a quick shower and then Jess makes smoothies for everyone. They have one of those bullet mixers I have been dying to get. I say that like I have been here forever, hahaha. It is only Friday we have only been apart since Tuesday. 

One letter I will have to tell you about the beautiful guest room I am sleeping in, Sam and Jess made it just for us. The bathroom is killer, with a soaker tub. That’s all you need to know! You know me and my baths. I’ll let you guess what the shower is like until I write that letter. Maybe I’ll send a few pics too. 

I hope that you are well and doing alright. I wonder what kinds of things you do, so when you write maybe you can tell me. 

I joined this group on facebook. It is for family members of the people who are only in your flight. Tell me the names of some people you get friendly with and I will try to meet their family online. 

I can get a list of what you are doing each week from that sight and so I do kind of feel like I know what is going on. 

Are they yelling at you a lot? I hope not. I love you Dean. I have started a countdown calendar to mark the days until I can see you again. Work hard, be careful. I’m proud of you!  
Love, 

Cas

 

My Beautiful Cas,

I am sorry I am just getting time to write to you. They keep us pretty busy at this point. 

Let me start by saying that you can be my Jane Austen anytime. I love your romantic endearments. Yes...I just wrote that! Thanks for all the letters. Please keep writing them, I look forward to everyone of them. They really keep me going. Hearing about what you do during your day without me makes me feel better about us being apart. I am one of just a few guys who gets mail every day, Monday I usually get two letters, must be because of no mail on Sunday. 

They are yelling at us but only if we do stupid things. Most of the guys in my flight are young and get yelled at some. There is a guy about my age, Lafitte. His first name is Benny but we call everyone here by their last name. One of us is going to be named Dorm Chief. That means we will have to manage the flight(all the guys in our bunk rooms). We make sure everyone is doing their jobs. We will wait and see who they pick. 

In-processing was not fun. We were kind of herded from room to room just like in the movie Stripes.I’m kinda glad we watched that now. They left out the shots and blood work though. You’d be surprised the number of guys who fainted or cried about it. I felt bad, especially when people laughed. There is one asshole in our flight who laughs and acts all bad about stuff, but he doesn’t do what he is supposed to until the TI(that’s our training instructor)yells at him. Enough about the crap.

I better go, it’s the weekend and we are going to get to mail our letters so I want to finish this.  
I want you to know that I am working hard for us. I feel like this is our chance to have the life we deserve. Even if I only stay in the Air Force for my first enlistment, I will have the education to get a great job in the civilian world. 

I love you Cas. I really love you and I miss you. Thank you for supporting me and loving me. I can’t wait to hold you again. 

All my love, 

Dean

 

Dear Dean(aka: My favorite Airman),

I got a job today! I didn’t tell you about it before because it was just supposed to be an interview but she offered it to me right on the spot. It’s a salaried position and pays extremely well. I won’t need to spend any of your pay while I am here and I can still save for coming to Texas when you graduate! 

The library is on campus and I have been hired to fill in for a woman on maternity leave in the children’s library. I run the education programs. I love the job, it is what I have always wanted to do. The school year is ending here soon so I have to look at the programs they usually offer and decide what we will offer this summer. 

The whole summer is mine to plan. Right now the only thing I know I want to do for sure is Lemonade on the Lawn. Remember we had that at my last job. I will choose a book every Thursday and read to the kids. Then we will serve lemonade and cookies. 

I will write more when I plan more. I am really excited and now I can save money for my trip to see you at graduation. 

It sounds like the second week of training is a little dry, lol. I hope it is not too bad. I mean you do need to know all that information. I mean you shouldn’t be part of a program if you don’t know the history, right? 

Also, my Dorm Chief, huh?!?! They picked you over Lafitte? I’m proud of you, hon. You’re such a good leader and the way you are helping the young guys makes me happy. I think of you and I and things like getting Sam ready for the prom, only military. I know that sounds funny, but I do. 

Sam and Jess had an overnight trip to see a client. I have a feeling they just wanted a night of privacy, but they haven’t said that they feel put upon. Jess is a doll. She makes me sleepytime tea when I feel sad and makes me take a bath. I really like her Dean. 

I better run, I have things to do for work and you need to get back to work. I love you. I can’t wait to see you in Texas in August. I think about you all the time...be careful and FLY, FIGHT, WIN!

Screaming Eagles...Second to None...Come Get Some

I hope that is the right motto. I got it from my online group. And Dean, don’t worry, I’m coming to get some...soon.

Love you more than coffee,

Cas

 

My Beautiful Cas, 

Six weeks have passed and I can’t believe I will see you soon. I was glad to hear that you have all your tickets and reservations for graduation. When I get ahold of you, I am not gonna let go! 

Don’t forget you have to come down and find me and tap me out on the parade grounds. When you hug me, hug me good, because we can’t hold hands or anything when I am in uniform. They are going to give you a big talk when you get here, so I won’t waste any time on that. 

I will be so relieved to go on to tech school. It is hard to have someone looking over my shoulder at everything I do. Also, tech school means only four months until we get our first station and get to be together again. 

I wanted to tell you that knowing you love your job makes me happy. The pic you sent sitting all serious at your desk, Jesus Cas! So hot! Your Mommy and Me class stories make me laugh every time, especially when the little boy refused to sit in his mommy’s lap and sat in your instead. I bet you look great with a baby in your lap, I can’t wait to have kids of our own. Soon, babe, soon! I know this is short but I gotta run to get it in the mail. 

Love you babe!!

Dean

*****

Cas was in the middle of his Monotonous Monday Teen Session, they were reading and discussing Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone as a throwback, when his cell rang. It was Dean’s ringtone and he jumped up to go answer it, despite the teasing comments from his group. He had gotten one call before during his teen group and had made the mistake of telling them it was his husband, now they recognized the tone. 

“Hello Dean.” Cas said as he closed himself into his office for privacy.

“Hey babe, it’s good to hear your voice again. How’s everything?” Dean asked. Cas knew Dean loved the tone in his voice when he answered the phone. Cas always tried to sound as happy as he felt.

“Great! Everything's great. All ready to come see you this weekend! Can’t wait!”

“That’s good! Hey I don’t have long, but I wanted to make sure you understand that I have to wait in formation on the parade grounds until you come touch my shoulder. Then we can hug and kiss.” Dean explained.

“Yeah, that’s tapping out, right?” Cas asked. “I touch your shoulder?”

“Yep. Cas...they’re gonna give all kinds of talks to you about public displays of affection and stuff. Make sure you listen so you understand, okay. We aren’t gonna be able to hold hands and shit down here in the open.”

“Oh, okay,” Cas knew he sounded disappointed, but he couldn’t help it. 

“Don’t think it’s because I don’t love you or even because we are gay, no spouses can. They will explain it all when you get briefed.” Dean’s voice was very reassuring as he spoke.

Cas felt much less concerned. “Oh alright, whew you had me worried!”

Dean called out to someone, “Hey! Don’t go far, dude. I need a wingman when I am done talking to my husband, ‘kay thanks man...Listen Cas, I gotta go. I love you babe. Can’t believe I get to see your beautiful face on Thursday.”

“Love you too, sweetheart. One more question and I do not mean to insinuate anything but do you know if you are allowed to go to my hotel room off base?” Cas asked cautiously. They had been very careful to not talk about anything remotely resembling sex since Dean was stuck in a room full of guys and no privacy.

Dean laughed out loud, a full belly laugh and Cas had missed that terribly. “Yeah babe, we’ll get some time alone. I love you Cas. I’m gonna try to call Wednesday night. I'll know if I am an honor grad and I can also tell you the best place to sit for the run and the ceremony so you can see me. Alright? See you soon!”

“Alright, Dean, see you soon. Love you lot’s honey. Bye.”

Cas spent the rest of the afternoon on cloud nine and didn’t remember any of the discussion about Harry Potter. He did however remember all the giggling from the group, and the well wishes for a safe trip to Texas. One more day to get through and then he would go to see Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My muse was lost here but I muddled through to move on to the good stuff. How are you liking this so far? I'd love to here from you...


	5. Momentary Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas flies to Texas for graduation weekend, Dean calls with good news and the boys are reunited!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The airman's creed is real and to hear it recited at a graduation gives you goosebumps. They shout the last line and it is emotional! I may have invented a thing or two her or there, but the majority is what happened when I attended a coin ceremony. I used flashbacks here from what Cas had experienced earlier in his trip or the day. I did not italicize as I usually do. If it is confusing, please let me know.

It was all Cas could do not to jump over the railing and run to Dean who was now standing in the blazing sun as the Coin Ceremony began. The seven weeks of separation had been hard, but he was at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio now to see Dean graduate. Dean was not a hundred feet away from him in formation and a recording of Ray Charles singing the national anthem blared over the loudspeakers while airman after airman received their coin, symbolizing their completion of basic training.

He snapped pictures and took video of every moment he could capture for family and friends. He was emotional and overwhelmed. He was going to get to touch Dean in just a few minutes. Underlying the emotion was the stress of the trip and finding everything alone, he was so used to travelling with Dean. But, as he had learned earlier in his spouse meeting, he would need to get used to travelling on his own as military members were often sent ahead of the family to a new assignment.

Yesterday, the flights had gone well but Cas had to pick up his rental car and find the hotel. Driving in San Antonio was not like Kansas. He did not do a lot of driving in Palo Alto after getting stuck in freeway traffic for over two hours. He took the bus and let Sam or Jess drive.  He finally made it to the hotel and then settled in and organized himself for the weekend. He unpacked and planned his route to the base and made further notes on some of the activities he thought he and Dean might like to do when he had off base privileges.

In the middle of his dinner at the hotel restaurant last night, Dean surprised him with a call, though he did not know it was Dean at first, it was not Dean’s cell phone number.  Cas struggled to hold himself in check knowing how close he was to seeing his husband again.

_“Hello?”_

_“Hey, babe!” Dean said with excitement thrumming in his voice._

_“Hello Dean, sweetheart. I’m here...I made it…” Cas choked out._

_“I am so fucking glad, babe. Can’t wait to hold you tomorrow. God I miss you, Cas.”_

_“Me too.”_

_“Hey I made honor grad babe so I get to be in a special ceremony after the run tomorrow. You can sit anywhere for the Airman’s run, but be on the left side of the parade grounds for the coin ceremony, okay. We practiced today and I will be standing in the front row of my flight, right by the second section of the bleachers, okay. Try to get there. Left side, second section from the end, facing the speaker. Okay.” Dean explained carefully._

_"I Got it honey. I am so proud of you, honor grad is such an accomplishment! I knew you could do it!” Cas beamed as he spoke. He could feel his face stretch as he smiled. It always did when he heard Dean’s voice._

_“Honor grads get an extra day of town pass, babe. All day Sunday we can be together too! If you know what I mean.”_

_Cas felt himself flush as Dean made his implications. Cas knew exactly what Dean meant. “Dean…”_

_“Cas…” Dean teased back. “Hey babe I gotta go. Just remember where to sit and I’ll see you soon. You figure out how to get to the base and everything?”_

_“Yes, I am all set and going through everything again to be sure, now.” he answered. “Dean, I love you. We’re going to be together soon...I can’t believe it...my handsome airman”_

_“See you tomorrow, my beautiful librarian. Love you...bye”_

Movement caught his eye, bringing him back to the present and he saw the flight next to Dean’s receiving their coins, but not Dean’s yet. He watched Dean stand like a statue in his ABUs. The camouflage was meant to make them all blend in, but he would have known Dean’s bowed legs no matter what he wore, not to mention the swagger in his marching step though it was more controlled than usual.  

It was now ten thirty, he had been up since five, showered and dressed in the tshirt he had ordered that matched Dean’s flight. It was gold and had a screaming eagle on in with all the flight numbers. The left front where a pocket should have been read Proud Husband.

The information from the Facebook group he belonged to told him to be at the gate at six and he was right on the money presenting his license and graduation pass. He attended the briefing at seven, proudly watched the videos of the airmen being in processed and listened carefully to all the instructions. Representatives from several different groups gave short talks about what would happen throughout the weekend

He nearly cried when they asked all the spouses to stand and everyone clapped for them. There were lots of husbands and the speaker from the spouse organization spoke about how much the spouses meant in way of support and holding the family together. Cas was seated near the front, close to where she was standing and she approached Cas with the microphone.

“We have a large number of men standing today. How about you sir, I bet you are proud of your wife, do the two of you have any children yet?”

“Actually, I am very proud of my husband Dean and we plan to have kids as soon as he gets his first assignment.” There was a bit of laughter and some clapping, but all in good natured support.

The woman apologized for being insensitive and assuming he had a wife and then said, “Adoption is often sped up for military families because half the clearances are already completed.”

Cas smiled and answered, “That is very good to know, but we won’t need to adopt, I’ll be having our children.” More laughter and applause followed and Cas’ pink cheeks paled in comparison to the woman’s scarlet face. She gave up and thanked them for listening, reviewing  where the spouse meeting would be held and encouraged them to attend. Cas was pleasantly surprised at the number of congratulatory comments he received after the briefing.

Cas was jostled by a child sitting behind him in the stands and looked to see Dean's flight begin to get their coins. Cas made sure his camera was ready and filmed as Dean took his turn. Everything was done with such precision. Sharp turns and angles...crisp movements and firm handshakes. It was really impressive and Cas would not soon forget the ceremony of it all.

Earlier when all the flights had run in formation through the parade grounds and then the honor grads had marched in perfect drill like movements in their special ceremony, Cas thought he would burst open with pride. He held up the banner he had made for Dean, it was signed by their family and friends, though Cas had written the sentiments from Kansas as they told him over the phone what to write.

The airman all looked so similar, a sea of camouflage  until they marched. He recognized Dean immediately and then each graduate had been called by name to receive their honor grad coin. Cas had clapped and cheered for Dean, and of course recorded it all as well.

He sent  pics and videos as soon as he had filmed them and Sam, who unfortunately had a huge case go to court two weeks early and couldn’t come as he had planned, thanked Cas after every update.

There were two more speakers after the coins were passed out, but all Cas could think about was getting to Dean. The officer in charge of the events introduced the final portion of the ceremony, something he called the airman’s creed and the whole parade ground echoed with the chants of the men and women in uniform. It was one of the most moving moments in Cas’ life, rating up there with Sam’s graduations and his and Dean’s wedding.

He listened carefully to and watched Dean as he proudly recited each word:

 

The Airman’s Creed

I am an American Airman.

I am a Warrior.

I have answered my Nation’s call.

I am an American Airman.

My mission is to Fly, Fight, and Win.

I am faithful to a Proud Heritage,

A Tradition of Honor,

And a Legacy of Valor.

I am an American Airman.

Guardian of Freedom and Justice,

My Nation’s Sword and Shield,

Its Sentry and Avenger.

I defend my Country with my Life.

I am an American Airman.

Wingman, Leader, Warrior.

I will never leave an Airman behind,

I will never falter,

And I will not fail.

The final line was shouted. Cas’ eyes prickled and no one dared move until one brave person clapped and the stands erupted with applause. When they quieted, the ceremony was brought to a close. With a final proclamation of the airman having completed their training, the stands poured into the concrete parade rounds and Cas grabbed his backpack and shot out of his seat to make his way to Dean.

It wasn’t far but it was crowded and easy to lose his bearings once out of the stands and on the flat surface. Suddenly, he saw him a few yards away, standing at attention, eyes forward, face serious, waiting for Cas to release him with a tap to his shoulder. Cas shouted to him, “Dean, I’m here, I’m here, honey!”

To his credit, Dean never moved or even flicked an eye until Cas reached him and placed his hand on his shoulder. No touch had ever felt so wonderful and Dean dropped his shoulders and turned towards Cas, They reached for each other and grabbed fistfuls of fabric as they embraced and held each other. It was only seven weeks but combined with all of the changes of moving and then getting to Texas and the pomp and circumstance of the ceremony...their emotions got the best of them and they buried their face in each other’s necks and cried.

They cried until they finally laughed and then they kissed, sweet, warm kisses. There was urgency but tenderness in those long moments of lips touching and surprisingly little heat or passion. There was an underlying desire, but it was overtaken by the gratitude of just being able to touch and be together again.

When Cas pulled back to separate, Dean pleaded, “Not yet, Cas...don’t let go yet.”

“Oh Dean, honey...of course. I could stay like this forever.”

“Feels so good to hold you...I just need you to myself a little longer. Once we let go, we won’t be alone anymore,” Dean whispered in Cas’ ear. “May have talked about you...a lot...everyone wants to meet you.” Cas laughed and finally when Dean loosened his hug, Cas dug through his pack for tissues to wipe their faces.

Then Dean’s prediction came true and they were bombarded by other airmen and their families. Cas tried to pay attention to all the names and faces. He shook hands and smiled, but all he could really focus on was Dean’s voice by his ear and the feel of his husband’s hand on the small of his back.

They’d made it. Cas was here. Dean was touching him. Their reunion may only be momentary, a mere weekend, but they were together again.

When the final introductions were over, he turned his face towards Dean and waited. Dean finally glanced at him and found him staring. “What, babe?”

“Hello Dean,” was all he said as he took his husband's face in his hands.

“Heya Cas,” was the response he heard as Dean leaned down and kissed him, just this side of dirty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear your thoughts...they fuel my desire to write...


	6. So Close, Yet So Far Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas spends the weekend enjoying Dean's graduation, and enjoying Dean!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I have been away for a bit. I had another WIP to finish. This fic is important to me and I going to finish it. This chapter takes Cas to Texas where he sees Dean graduate and meets some of his fellow airman. It is a lot of detail, but I wanted to show Cas and Dean going through some of the things I have seen take place. It is really a moving weekend. In my opinion, it changes people. It changes relationships and bonds people. Hope you enjoy.

It was nearly lunchtime after the ceremonies were over and Dean had run the 5K, received his Honor Grad coin, and stood through all of the speakers on the concrete slab ceremony grounds in the blazing Texas heat. They had also taken many selfies and pictures with Dean’s flight mates.  He had refused a water bottle that Cas had offered him. Trainees could not eat or drink while standing. Cas was roasting and he was in shorts and the t shirt he had ordered that matched Dean’s flight. Cas was not surprised by the answer when he asked Dean what he wanted to do first.

“I want to eat somewhere besides the chow hall or the subway at the mini exchange by the dorms and I want a huge drink of something with sugar.” He looked apologetic after he said it. “Is that okay with you, Cas?”

Resisting the urge to kiss Dean or grab him in his sexy camouflage uniform and hug him, he offered a smile instead. “Dean this is your weekend, I want you to pick everything we do. I get to pick all the time.”

Dean leaned in for a warm kiss, surprising Cas. “I love you, babe and I missed you so much. Thanks for coming.”

“You’re welcome, Dean. You know I wouldn’t miss this for anything , but I thought we couldn’t touch, let alone kiss after the ceremony?”

“We are still on the concrete so I took the risk. You were worth it. Once we leave here, though, we can sneak a kiss goodbye in the car but that is all, unless no one can see us.”

They laughed and made their way to the car Cas had rented for the weekend. It felt odd to be so close and yet not even hold hands when they walked together. They were usually so affectionate, but they were together and could see each other and talk and it was wonderful.

Dean bitched  about not getting to drive the entire weekend and then told Cas where to turn.

“We are going to the base club. They are grilling steaks for a graduation bbq and some of the guys decided to buy tickets and meet there after the ceremony. It is going to be crazy at the base exchange where the fast food places are because none of us can go off base today.”

They parked after missing a couple of turns, Dean had never been to the club. The lot didn’t not have a ton of cars considering the number of visitors on base, but when they got inside they realized it was best kept secret of the day. It already smelled like charcoal grilled steak and it was comfortably cool. Benny was there with another trainee and their spouses.. They had clearly saved room at their table.

“Cas, you remember Benny and his wife Andrea, and this is Garth Fitzgerald and his wife Bess. Nice to meet you, Bess I just know your name from talking with Garth.” He motioned to Cas barely remembering not to put an arm around him. “This is my husband, Castiel Winchester.”

“Hi, call me Cas. Nice to meet everyone, some of you again, I guess,” Cas laughed at his awkwardness. “Sorry, I feel like I’m at the prom of a school I don’t go to.”

“It does seem kind of odd to be married for so long and not be able to touch, doesn’t it?” Andrea added.

Bess chimed in with a midwestern accent, “Lord, it feels like my Mama might find us necking in front of the TV or something.”

“It is nice to be in the same room and talk though,” Cas added.

  
“Yes, it is babe,” Dean said with a pat to Cas’ shoulder. He pulled his ID holder from inside his shirt and put two tickets on the table. “Steak dinner, I can’t wait.”

“Hey, the base theatre is playing Captain America Civil War at 4:30. We should try to go ater we inprocess the ladies, even if we have probably all seen it. I hear the theatre is freezing cold with AC,” Garth said enthusiastically. “Jesus, I am sorry, Cas you are not a lady.”

Cas was a little pink but really he would have ignored the comment if Garth hadn’t caught himself. He gave the man a nod and a smile. He was just calming back down when Dean spoke.

“We have seen it, but it’s a good one and it will fill the time somewhere cool. There is only so much to do until we can get off base, right babe?” Dean asked looking at Cas.

Cas felt himself turn beet red right up to his ears. “Dean!”

“You scoundrel, Dean. Look what you done to the poor fella,” Benny said in his slow southern drawl.

“That is not what I meant Lafitte! You guys need to get your minds of of the gutter. I meant to go to the mall or the alamo or the riverwalk everyone is talking about,” Dean protested.

“My Mama always says, he doth protest too much...,” Garth teased.

Dean turned to Cas who was suddenly interested in his cloth napkin. Dean put a hand over his and whispered, “Sorry, Cas. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“Oh, Dean, don’t worry. I think I embarrassed myself. The second it left my mouth I realized what you meant.” They giggled about it off and on, between conversations until the food arrived. It was a set menu lunch, everyone received the same plates of food. There was a decent sized steak, a baked potato, a salad and a piece of chocolate cake, plus all the soda you wanted.

Cas, Andrea, and Bess stopped mid cut and stared at their spouses who ate like starving animals who had been trained to eat with cutlery. The pace was astounding and they had eaten almost a third of their meals before they realized they were stopping their spouses from eating.

“Jesus, Benny...do they feed you when we aren’t here?” Andrea spoke for all of them.

Benny swallowed hard, “Sorry, Darlin’. We get a lot of the same old food on a regular basis. This is good grub, right boys.”

“Only thing that would make it better would be an ice cold beer,” Dean added.

The other two agreed and the spouses all exchanged a look that indicated their heartache for someone to be so excited about food that was really just decent. The meal continued and the men made an effort to slow down and enjoy the lunch.

Cas thought it was nice to get to know Dean’s friends and their wives. The three of them exchanged numbers and as luck would have it, were all in the same hotel for the weekend.

After lunch they headed to all the offices they needed to process through to get their spouse paperwork filed. Cas had been enrolled in DEERS, a system recognizing legal family members, issued an ID card and had received TriCare medical cards as well. They also had lots of pictures of the day’s events. There were lines and waiting and by the time they were done, there was about an hour until it was time to head to the theatre.

“Alright, everyone be there at four so we can get in line. It will be busy and we want to get seats together, okay?”

Dean and Cas drove around on base and then went to the little exchange or market near Dean’s dorm. Dean needed a black backpack for travel after basic. They could only carry one that matched the ABU’s, the camouflage uniform, or one that was plain black. Dean preferred the black. Cas had brought money to buy it as Dean’s graduation gift, he would have room for little else and told Cas it was a great present.

“I know it is only a backpack, Cas, but honestly, it is what most people are getting. I really won’t have room in my luggage for gifts, or in my room either at tech school. Plus every time I carry it, I will think of you.”

“If you’re sure, honey, then that’s what we’ll get,” Cas had told him.

Cas also shopped for souvenirs for Sam and Jess. He got simple things he thought they might actually use, like lanyards, key chains and pens with the Air Force logo. The stopped for a soda and sat at a table for a while. They had a little time to kill so Cas gave Dean cards that had been sent by Sam and Jess, Gabe, and Bobby.

“These are from everyone back home, honey. They are so proud of you. They wish they could have come,” Cas explained.

“They didn’t have to send anything.”

Cas looked at Dean and felt a twinge of sadness for him. He had such a hard time taking praise. Cas was working on that after all these years but it was slow to come.

Dean read each card and shared them with Cas. Dean’s eyes shone but he steeled himself before actual tears fell. There were gift cards in each card as well.

“Jesus, Sam sent me a five hundred dollar VISA card, babe and Gabe and Bobby sent a hundred apiece.”

“You’ve worked so hard, you’ve earned them, sweetheart.”

“Well, we can use them to pay for things this weekend, okay?” Dean told Cas.

“I hate to tell you this, but I refused to let Sam pay for the plane or hotel, so just as I was going through security he shoved a wad of cash in my hand. You know how nervous I am when I fly and I just thanked him and shoved it in my pocket. It was ten one hundred dollar bills, Dean. I never held a thousand dollars in one hand before. I called him and yelled at him and then thanked him and then of course, I cried,” Cas laughed as he told Dean the story. “So the point is, save those cards for when you get to tech school or in case you need anything now after I go.”

“That giant idiot!” Dean scolded, but Cas could tell he was touched. “Hold these until I figure out where I can keep them, please.”

They gathered their things and went to meet their friends at the movies. It was nice to sit in the dark and relax, holding hands illegally like naughty teenagers. Their shoulders touched and Cas could not help but dream of Sunday when they would get to spend a little time alone at Cas’ hotel room.

They ended their first day together with Subway and the other two couples joined them. Apparently they ate there a lot when they were allowed to have a tiny bit of freedom. They laughed and told stories about basic, about home and just really enjoyed being together.

It was hard to leave Dean, Cas had hardly been apart from him since they had met. Kissing him in the car and watching him walk away was painful, but he and the girls were driving back to the hotel in tandem and there was a swimming pool and a bar so they were gonna pass the time together until they went to bed. Cas was glad he would not be alone.

That night in bed after sending more pictures of the day to Sam and Gabe, he thought about Dean and their day together. He was so incredibly proud of him. All day long he noticed that Dean, who had always been a polite person, seemed even more so now. He held doors for longer than he had before and addressed men and women he did not know as Sir or Ma’am. When they came upon graduates that he knew, he addressed their families in that manner as well. Cas had been called Sir at least a dozen times himself. It was really kind of comforting to know so many people had chosen to join the military.

 

*****

 

The next few days flew by. Friday was the official graduation parade and visit to the dorms. It was incredible to see the precision with which they had to fold their clothes and make their beds. Dean was always a neat person, but this was borderline ridiculous.

Dean had earned four ribbons during his time in training. Every graduate earned one for completing basic military training and an additional ribbon for National Defense Service for being in the armed service in a time of war or conflict. In addition to those Dean earned a ribbon for achieving the status of Honor Graduate and and one for Small Arms Expert Marksmanship.

As they were leaving the dorm Dean took the time to introduce Cas to his two instructors. As they approached them in the doorway of what seemed to be their office, Dean took a very formal stance, shoulders back, arms just so,  and spoke quietly and formally.

“Sirs, Trainee WInchester reports. Request permission to introduce my family.”

“At ease Trainee WInchester,” one of the trainers responded and Dean relaxed with his arms held behind his back. He introduced Cas to both of them and they made _very_ small talk but as Dean thanked them and they were walking away one of the instructors called out to Dean. The tone could only be interpreted as a tease.

“Looking good WInchester with all those ribbons.” Dean was clearly proud and Cas himself thought he would burst with pride.

*****

If it were not for the fact that Dean had to go back to the dorms every night, if would have been the vacation they had never had the money for when Sam was growing up. Friday they saw the Alamo, and the Riverwalk. The met the other two couples every morning and did things like breakfast at Starbucks or a local diner, treats that Cas and Dean had not had a lot of while making ends meet. Friday evening they ate at Dave and Busters playing all sorts of video games and eating food they had not been able to enjoy for seven weeks.

On Saturday all three couples went to the zoo and then a huge gaming place called Main Event. There were lots of graduates there with families and Dean and Cas bought wristbands for twenty five dollars each so they could play all they wanted. They chased each other around in laser tag. Benny teamed with Cas at one point to gang up on Dean. Dean cornered Cas in the dark and kissed him twice without getting caught. They bowled and visited and ate huge hamburgers and just enjoyed each other and their new friends. Cas had a phone full of pictures of all the fun times.

Sunday was a different day. Dean was an honor graduate. That meant one very important thing. He was awarded an additional day off base. Both Garth and Benny had taken time away from the group on Friday or Saturday and let’s face it, there was no question as to why. Dean and Cas, however had saved their alone time for Sunday. They bowed out of any plans but said they would meet up to head back to the dorms at six thirty as usual so they could all return to the dorm in the buddy system and the three spouses could head back to the hotel as well.

Cas had made tentative plans for he and Dean. There was a little grocery store near by and he had gotten snacks and drinks for them. There was a mexican restaurant just down the road and they would probably eat there.They had tamales and they both loved them. Cas had brought a few niceties for relaxing together, like bubble bath and lotion.  He was shaking with anticipation by the time he picked Dean up at nine that morning just as usual.

He was with the gang who teased unmercifully as he got into the car with Cas.

“Y’all have fun now, hear,” Benny yelled and Garth whistled while their wives called them on their jealousy.

Dean closed the car door, removed his hat and pecked Cas on the cheek. Cas put the car in drive and asked, “Where to, airman?’

“How about someplace quiet, just us,” Dean answered suggestively, but the squeeze of his hand felt sweet not naughty.

“That’s the plan...after my starbucks,” Cas laughed and headed to the large exchange that held the coffee chain. “I am gonna treat myself again today.”

“You should treat yourself every day, Babe,” Dean said softly.

“Oh, Dean. I buy Keurig cups from starbucks for my morning coffee. Plus, if I went everyday it would never be special. This is a nice splurge and another reason to remember this fun weekend.”

“I’m gonna give you a reason to remember this weekend Mr. Winchester,” Dean said as he flipped his cap on his head and got out of the car.

“That’s the plan,” Cas winked as he teased Dean right back.

Dean scarfed down two breakfast sandwiches right away. “I am just so used to big breakfasts and working out, I am always starving.”

They enjoyed their coffee and shared some scones and crumb cake while they chatted about the weekend so far. Cas had forgotten to tell the story of the lady who put her foot in her mouth at the orientation.

“She was so red faced when I said we would not need to adopt,” Cas laughed. “The  whole place was giggling. You know lots of people approached me after and said nice things. I think I kinda like the Air Force so far, sweetheart.”

Dean looked at Cas and his face softened. “What?” Cas asked. “Did you think I wouldn’t.”

“I guess I just hoped you would, that’s all. I’m glad, Cas. I kind of like it too, minus the not seeing you part, you know?”

“I do. Now are you ready to go get reaquainted all by ourselves?”

Dean swallowed so loud Cas heard it and they headed for the car.

*****

Cas opened the door with his key card and immediately Dean pushed him up against the wall and kissed him, full of want and need at this point. Cas could still smell the clorox cleaner he had used to scrub the tub before he left this morning. Dean pulled back from that first kiss and teased Cas, “You and your bathtub, babe.”

The room was simple, but nice. Cas had chosen a newer hotel in the area, using the Air Force sponsored travel agent. There was one king sized bed with a TV stand dresser combo directly  across from the end of it. Opposite the door there was a desk off to the side and a small table and chairs by the windows. The bathroom was right as you came in the door. “You know how I feel about baths and using one I have not cleaned myself.”

“Oh, Cas...I missed you and all your great little quirks,” Dean said softly.

Cas began to undress Dean from his Air Force blues but Dean stopped him.

“Is this not okay, Dean?” Cas asked feeling a little hurt and worried. Maybe he had misunderstood but he thought Dean had implied spending the day alone at his hotel.

“No, no, Cas don’t be sad. I just need to be really careful of my uniform. I’m sorry about that but I am not even supposed to get undressed so I can’t take a chance on anything getting on my clothes or them getting wrinkled.”

“Oh, okay Honey. I get it. Take your time, I’ll just watch.”

Dean’s eyes darkened when Cas said that. It was the reaction Cas wanted and he slid onto the bed and watched as Dean slowly hung his uniform in the closet piece by piece. Dean’s post training body was revealed a little at a time and Cas could feel himself get hard. Dean was handsome and muscular before, but he was well defined and definitely a little bulkier now, without his little love handles. If he was truthful, Cas though Dean was the hottest he had ever looked, but he would miss the little bit of chub at his hips. Cas used to bite that and make Dean giggle.

Dean walked to the bed completely naked and almost completely hard himself. “I’m sorry I am being weird about the clothes, but I can’t take a chance even with my underwear. The TI’s told us people have had their graduation pulled and been washed back for breaking the rules.

“Oh Hon, I don’t want you to be stressed. Would you feel better if we just went back to the base?”

“Absolutely not, Mr. Winchester. I am naked and it is your turn to get naked and I am not going to feel better at all until I am deep inside you.

The tone of Dean’s words caused Cas to moan, “Deaaaaan…”

Cas undressed and they crawled under the covers together. Their bare skin touching was electric. The sounds they made without even having done anything more that kiss and slide their cocks together, were down right dirty.

“Get me ready, Dean. I have condoms and lube under the pillow. I know it doesn’t sound romantic but I just need to feel you and we both know the first time is gonna be like we were 18 again, so let’s just call it what it is, right?”

“Jesus I love how well we know each other Cas. I was thinking the same thing. Fuck I wanna be inside you already.” They both laughed at their not so subtle romance.

“Come on, Dean,” Cas urged as he fumbled for the lube. Cas cried out when Dean’s finger circled his hole and quickly slid in.

“Fuck, Babe, you’re really tight. Is this okay?” Dean asked concern thick in his voice.

“Oh yeah, it feels so good. I am fine, and it has been seven weeks,” Cas panted.

“Okay, good, I was a little worried,” Dean said before diving into kiss Cas, devouring all of his moans and whimpers.

It took a little longer than normal but Dean kept Cas busy, teasing him with licks and kisses wherever he could reach and by the time Dean’s  magic fingers had done their job, Cas was a sweaty writhing mess with a few well places hickeys and kiss swollen lips and nipples. He was pretty sure wearing a shirt tomorrow would be both a challenge and a lovely reminder of their time together.

When Dean was poised over Cas, cock nudging his hole,  and looking into his eyes, Cas teased, “Well hello there, soldier, have we met before?”

Dean covered Cas’ mouth in a filthy kiss and with a little growl, he pushed the head of his cock gently into Cas. Cas groaned at the slight burn as Dean entered him.

 

“Ohhhhh, fuck...yeah now I remember you,” Cas said with a wicked grin.

“Christ, I fucking missed your smart ass in my bed. I missed feeling you around me, fuck Cas,” Dean moaned as their hips met and Dean was deep inside Cas.

They stayed perfectly still, connected by their fond looks at one another until Cas said softly, “Move, Dean...please?”

Dean pulled back and then slowly rolled his hips back into Cas. He repeated his action and then there was a frenzy of action, teeth clashing in ferocious kisses, hips snapping, heels digging into ass cheeks encouraging harder thrusts. Before either realized it was happening, they were crying out as their orgasms blew through them like wildfire.

They both laughed and then they dissolved into tears and cried at the feeling of being so close. They let their emotions take their course and then lay together, catching their breath, wrapped in each other’s arms.

“I love you, Babe,” Dean said as he kissed Cas, his wild hair tickling his nose.

“Oh Dean, I love you, too.”

They took a careful bath and then Dean laid a towel down on the wet spot so they could watch TV together under the covers. “Sorry, Cas. I should have thought about moving to one side or something.”

“I’d have been more worried about you having the wherewithal to think of that than I am a little wet spot, Dean, “ Cas chuckled.

They watched movies or TV shows until they were ready to go again and they alternated between sweet slow lovemaking and hot fucks until they had gone to the Mexican restaurant for lunch, taken a nap and had plain worn each other out. 

Cas gave Dean a super long massage which, of course, ended up with Cas riding Dean when he just been attempting to massage his chest and abs. "Fuck me!  I am married to a hot man in uniform."

The last thing Cas did was finger Dean until he came so hard he cried out and said, “Jesus, Cas I think you broke me.”

“Well we can’t have you going back to the dorms unsatisfied now, can we?”

“Oh I am so satisfied, sweet thing,” Dean answered with a lazy smile.

Soon it was time to shower and take Dean back to the base. This was it. Their time was up and They would have to part ways again. Cas got up to head to the bathroom and felt something drip down his inner thigh. He wiped it with his hand thinking it was lube and came back with what could have been a little white on his finger.

“Hey Dean, I don’t think it is anything to worry about, but I think that last condom might have broken.”

“Shit, really? I didn’t think it had.” Dean always checked the condoms before tossing them. They had always been careful about not getting pregnant.

“Maybe I’m wrong, honey. Nothing to worry about anyway, my fertile time was like two weeks ago. Remember when I was all worried about the trip and flying alone when Sam had to cancel. I was all over the place that week, so I am sure it was then.”

“Let’s, hope so. I don’t want to have to worry about being apart when you have our first baby. I want to be settled at our first base, you know?”

Cas stepped into the water spray and nodded in agreement.

*****

Cas wasn’t fifty yards from the exchange when he had to pull over and sob on the side of the road. Leaving Dean knowing it was at least four months before they would see each other again was the worst feeling in the world. Dean had kissed him and held him tight and Cas had done his best not to cry then. Dean had managed not to cry himself and tried to reassure him that he could call more often and they would text and talk now that he had his phone back.

He remembered the girls were driving ahead and pulled back into traffic. They had both gone in one car and Cas saw it on the side of the road. They had waited for him. That night he ordered the biggest margarita the bar had and when he went to bed he slept in sheets that smelled like he and Dean. It proved only to make it harder.

Seeing Dean had been wonderful. He looked good and he had done so well in training. Cas was so proud. He was also sure of one thing, the next four months was going feel like an eternity.


	7. The Calm and Then the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas struggles to come to grips with a four month separation from Dean and then things get complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not intending for Cas to be an over-emotional whiner. He is just a bit out of sorts. He is feeling a bit awkward about how his role in certain relationships has changed while Dean is away.

Cas struggled when he returned from Texas. Sam and Jess had met him at the airport and had dinner as a distraction when they got back to their place. It was nice but not enough to take away sting.

There was a tipping of the balance in his relationship with Sam. Cas used to be the one picking up at the airport, making sure Sam had a place to sleep and money to buy the things he needed. Now Sam was the one who had the home and had given Cas all that spending money for the trip.

Cas was grateful for the chance to live with Sam and Jess, but everything felt off kilter... as if suddenly Cas was the kid and Sam was the one in charge. He knew that wasn’t true but without Dean to bounce his thoughts off of, Cas was feeling alone.

The seven weeks of basic training had seemed like a long separation when Cas first came to California. It had been hard to accept and took him almost a week to adjust fully. So when Cas sat at his desk and marked his calendar so he could count down to the date Dean finished tech school, his heart was heavy. Four months? How was he going to survive that long without Dean?

Dean had another week at basic training before he shipped off to Virginia and his tech school, so they could not call yet and Cas longed to hear his voice. It was almost as if seeing Dean had somehow made it harder. Cas tacked the calendar into the wall and decided to run a bath. Wine. Sam and Jess had wine at dinner and he saw Jess cork the bottle and put it in the fridge. He went down to get himself a glass. A warm bath and a glass of wine would help him sleep for sure.

Jess was on the couch with her laptop, with a stack of files on the coffee table. Sam was at the dining room table with his work and they both looked up when he came down the stairs.

“Hey, Cas, how's it goin'?” Sam asked quietly.

“I’m fine, I’m gonna take a bath and I thought if there was any wine left, another glass wouldn’t hurt me.”

Jess jumped up and set her laptop down next to her files. “There sure is, Cas. Let me get it for you.”

Sam smiled and went back to his work and Cas followed Jess into the kitchen. “I liked this bottle. My friend at work told me about it, but it was new so I only picked up one.”

“Oh, I don’t have to have it if you were saving it or anything,” Cas said suddenly regretting his decision to ask for another glass.

“No, no, Cas. Of course you can have it.” She stopped and turned towards him. “You know our home is your home and Dean’s home as long as you want to come here and this wine, everything here, really,  is as much yours as it is mine or Sam’s.”

“That’s really sweet, and we appreciate it. I guess I’m just having Dean withdrawals. It’s just that we have always been together before this...since we were in high school. I mean I know Sam has told you all this but when I was eighteen I moved in with Dean to help him raise Sam. Before that I was with Dean every chance we got, but once I moved in we were practically glued to each other. It’s really hard to sleep without him. Seeing him was great but somehow it kind of also made it worse, the sleeping part. We got to take one nap together and...well, I was kind of hoping the wine and the hot bath would help, especially tonight.”

“Oh Cas, it must be so hard to know it is the right thing and yet have to suffer in the meantime. You are such a great person. You are a hell of a librarian, Sam tells me how much they love you at work. But you are just genuinely a nice person and I’m really glad we get the time to know each other better, even though it is so heartbreaking for you. ”

“Thanks, Jess. I’m glad, too. That’s really why I chose to come here instead of staying in Kansas. I mean... I think it would have been hard to stay without Dean. Here I get to spend time getting to know you and also everything is new and doesn’t remind me of Dean all the time.”

“Well, I am glad you’re here. Sam is a wonderful man and he owes that to you and Dean. Don’t think we aren’t both so thankful.”

”Maybe I should check the tub and come back, though,” Cas said with a watery smile.

Jess kissed him on the cheek. “No, you go on up and get in. I’ll bring it up, okay?”

“You sure?”

“Cas…” Jess scolded, but she had such a sweet smile when she said it.

“Alright, thanks.”

Jess brought him the wine, he had quickly added bubble bath to the water so he was covered when she came in. She turned the lights down and lit a few candles for him. It was early but by the time he soaked for a bit it should be a decent bedtime. He didn’t go back to work for a day yet and he hoped he could get back on schedule with a morning run with Sam.

Cas’ outlook started to improve when he immersed himself back into his routine. Work was always fun. He had lots of new programs going and everyone seemed pleased with them.

His teen group was on the next Harry Potter, they had insisted when he said he had never finished the series, and they were planning a sorting hat party for the middle school aged group. The older kids were reading Harry Potter aloud and discussing it with them. Cas loved to see the ages interact.

His lemonade on the lawn and weekly reading program with the elementary aged kids was continuing to grow. Every Friday he listened to kids report on one book they had read and then he signed their form. Students who came every week would get an award at the end of the summer party.

Mommy and me class was as funny and entertaining as ever. He had even added musical instruments which they played after the story. He had to break the group into two sessions he had so many attending.

His runs with Sam helped. Sometimes they talked about Cas missing Dean and Sam confided in him that his time in college he was sometimes terribly lonely, despite being surrounded by great friends.

Sam and Jess joined a weekly yoga class designed to reduce stressful feelings and really it was just to have something to do together. They got smoothies at the bar before leaving and were getting to know each other better every day.

Cas still wrote to Dean even though they could talk every night. He usually picked a story line of something that was happening at work and just updated him or he would find a poem and tell him how it reminded him of Dean. Anything really, just so Dean felt loved and missed.

One day while they were talking,  Dean mentioned missing having a kitchen to cook or bake in. That gave Cas an idea. That gave Cas who did not know how to cook an idea. During his run the next morning he talked to Sam about it.

“I think I am going to try to bake something for Dean tonight. He mentioned not being able to bake and it was the first time he sounded really sad in a long time.”

Sam chuckled, “I was wondering if that would bother him. He does love to cook, but damn, Dean without homemade pie for this long…”

“I don’t think a pie would ship well, and I don’t think I’m ready to make pie yet. What if I made cookies? Think I can do it?”

“Sure you can Cas,” Sam answered enthusiastically. “You should ask Jess to help. She makes these really good monster cookies and it makes a huge batch. She used to make them a lot but then we ate them all the time and she didn’t want the extra calories. But if you made them, we could keep a few and you could still send a ton to Dean. Like enough to share with his buddies. Apparently one of the reasons they call them monster cookies is it makes a monster sized batch.”

Cas finished his run with renewed purpose and mentioned the idea to Jess who nearly squealed in excitement. “I would love to help. I don’t bake very much with only the two of us to eat it. This will be fun. Okay, we can go shopping on the way home from yoga tonight, how’s that?”

Cas was so excited as he went off to work. It was the first time in a long time he had something other than just missing Dean or his job occupying his mind. At lunchtime he found himself on his work pinterest account researching clever ways to send a package. He found a fairly simple plan and checked his phone for a few pictures he could have developed at Walgreens.

The public bus system was really a gift for Cas. He had learned it well and he jumped off at what he fondly called _his_ Walgreens to pick up a few things he needed for his package. He even grabbed a few fun treats and things to throw in the box as well. He couldn’t believe he never thought of this before and he hoped people were not getting packages and Dean wasn’t. He walked up the street to the post office to grab a box and pushed that negative though out of his head as he waited for the bus to come by.

He and Jess had a ball drinking wine and making the cookies. He told her he wanted to really understand the process so she explained creaming butter and sugar and the reason for baking soda, etc. He really felt like he could do this more often and maybe even branch out a bit to make other things. It really wasn’t that hard.

The cookies were delicious and that night in his room he decorated the inside of the box, like he had seen on pinterest. He took the photos he had printed and taped them on the insides of the flaps and then decorated around them with the markers he had bought. He put little sayings like: Absence makes the heart grow fonder and I miss you like a squirrel misses his nuts. They had recommended not all sentimental phrases so the person receiving the package would not become sad instead of enjoying it.  Then he wrote: I want to lay my head on your chest and hear your heartbeat. He wrote that one next to a picture of them snuggled together on the couch. It was an old selfie and you could see young Sam off to the side reading a book. It was a fun project and he packed the cookies and the other store bought snacks before taping it shut and addressing it to Dean in Virginia.

He never told Dean about the package coming and he waited for his reaction. It was worth the wait. He was reading ahead for his teen discussion of Harry Potter when his phone rang, it was Dean’s ring.

“Hello Dean,” Cas answered casually, really dying inside to ask if he had gotten the package.

“I love you, you little shit. How many times have we talked and you never mentioned a package.”

“I wanted to surprise you, honey,” Cas laughed. “Do you like it? I baked them myself, well Jess helped but I did it.”

“Cas…” Dean started and then there was silence for several beats before Dean’s voice returned thick with emotion, “Do I like it? Babe, it was such a nice surprise. I mean it, even the box was fun. Thanks for doing that.”

  
Cas was so pleased with Dean’s reaction he thought his heart might just burst out of his chest. “I’m glad you liked it. I tried to send enough so you could share with your friends.”

“Oh I will, for sure. I’m the first one to get a package, and they will all want to know what is in it for sure.”

They talked for a bit longer and that night in bed, Cas started a personal Pinterest account and made plans to sent Dean a package a week.

 

*****

 

Sam, Jess and Cas were enjoying dinner out one Saturday night. No special reason, they all just wanted sushi. Cas would never ask Dean to go to a Sushi restaurant so he tried to turn the negative experience of not living with Dean into the occasional positive. They were discussing Cas’ latest cookie box to Dean.

“Yeah, those coconut, macadamia, white chocolate chunks were my favorite so far,” Sam told him.

“I liked those myself, but not as much as the chocolate with the peanut butter cups mixed into the dough. Those were better than sex,” Cas laughed.

Jess, cackled. “They really were.”

Sam tried to look offended, but they still laughed about it.

The had started dinner with soup and Cas had ordered tom yum soup, it was his favorite. It tasted off to him but Sam and Jess had not gotten it. He ate a little but decided to tell the waiter he thought it wasn’t quite right.

When their entree’s arrived, Cas was starving and dove right into his dinner. He had a spicy tuna roll, a peanut avocado roll and a sweet potato roll. The two without tuna were delicious but the tuna tasted off again, like the soup. He had Jess try it but she said it was fine like hers.

“Huh, weird, right? Maybe I am getting a bug or something. Lot’s of little ones have been out from Mommy and me class. They say something is going around.”

“Could be, Cas. It happens and being with little kid germs does get to you once in awhile I guess," Jess agreed.

He ate a little more of the tuna roll but left the rest and apologized to the server about the soup explaining he thought he wasn’t feeling well and the soup had probably been fine.

He was really tired by the time they got home from dinner and it was only just after eight.

“I’m gonna head off to bed, I think I’m just a little under the weather. I’m just so tired all of a sudden.”

“Okay, Cas. Let us know if you need anything okay?” Jess said giving him a hug.

He went to bed and never woke again until his alarm went off at six. He felt perfectly fine and went running with Sam and had a great day at work. For the next few weeks that’s how things went. Every once in awhile he  would feel exhausted and almost sick and then he would sleep and feel better. Before he knew it, two months had passed since his trip to Texas to see Dean.

Then one Monday morning Cas woke feeling extremely sick and ran for the bathroom. He vomited violently and felt dizzy so he clung to the toilet until he stopped and could stand. The terrible nausea did not go away so he made his way to tell Sam he would not be running with him.

Sam was just coming out of his room in shorts and a t shirt. “Jesus, Cas...you okay? You look awful.”

“I feel awful, Sam. I am not going to be able to run today. I think I might even have to call in sick. I threw up already and feel like I might again.”

“Go back to bed. I’ll tell Jess. We’ll get you set up before we go to work. Do you think you need to go to the doctor?”

“No, no, I just think it’s that bug I never quite got. I’ll be fine, but I am going to go back to bed.”

Sam went back towards his room and soon Jess was feeling Cas’ forehead. No fever, sweetie. You better drink something, though. What sounds good? You want some water or juice? How about I send Sam out for some soda, maybe the bubbles will settle your stomach. My mom used to give it to me.”

By the time they left for work, Cas had crackers, a banana, and a bottle of coke on his night stand. Jess had put a cold cloth on his head, too.

“Try to rest, Cas. You and Dean used to give me a little coke when I was sick. Just sip in and we’ll call to check on you later,” Sam said, brow wrinkled with concern

Cas suffered all morning and well into the afternoon. He finally felt the pukey feeling leaving and he got up to take a bath. Sam and Jess had called several times and he hoped the worst was over. Only it wasn’t.

Cas got worse again at dinner time and couldn’t eat anything. He just went back to bed and waited for Dean to call. He forgot Dean was doing special training and wouldn’t be calling this week. He also would not be there to receive a package, so Cas had not sent one. Cas remembering Dean would not call was the last straw and he felt the tears roll down his cheeks.

He just felt like shit and wanted Dean. Jess found him when she came to bring him a cold cloth. She didn’t say anything, just washed his face and folded the cloth to place on his forehead. She ran her fingers through his hair despite the fact that Cas told her she might get sick.

“I am not going to leave you alone just yet, so relax and let me help you a little,” she said like the perfect mother hen.

He did not remember falling asleep. But woke up feeling a little better. Though he did not run , he managed to go to work. When he was not any better by Wednesday evening, Sam called him on it and encouraged him to see the doctor. But Cas had not gotten a doctor here. He had not wanted to go through all of the trouble of establishing as a patient only to move in a few months and do it again. He figured he could do urgent care if there was an issue. So he won the argument with Sam and went to bed.

Thursday was rough and at work he was struggling to read to his story hour group. He was sitting on the carpet holding the book up, when the words began to go dark. It scared him and then suddenly it was bright and loud and he was frightened and sick. He could hear kids crying and mothers comforting and two of his regular moms from mommy and me were talking to him and calling out orders.

“Oh my God. Call an ambulance. Hey, hey, you’re alright, Cas. Honey you passed out and bumped your head on the stool behind you. You have a cut on your head. Hang on, okay.”

He felt a stinging pain and someone holding the back of his head. He began to struggle to try to sit up. “No, honey, lay down, you were out. You-”

“Sick,” was all he got out when he started to throw up. They turned him to the side and helped him. Someone came with baby wipes and they cleaned his face and scooted him from the vomit. They kept pressure on his head. Suddenly they could hear sirens.

“Phone, Sam or Jess, please,” was all he could say as he began to panic a little.

“Get his phone off his desk and bring it to me,” the mother shouted. They had finally cleared the carpet area and the other librarians were there now.

“Sam or Jess, honey? Call them? Not Dean?”

“Yes, not Dean. he won’t have his phone.” Not to mention he is in Virginia, he wanted to say. Suddenly he wanted Dean.

“Hello, this is Sarah. I am at the library with Cas and he passed out at story time and hit his head. He has a cut and has thrown up so we called an ambulance but he wanted us to call you.”

There was silence and then she spoke again. Okay, Sam the ambulance is here so I can ask what hospital. It’s okay Cas, I got Sam he is going to meet you at the hospital. I’ll give the EMT’s your phone when you go. Take care sweetie.”

There was a rush of movement and someone wrapped his head, but Cas was so nauseous he could not think straight and he thought he answered all the questions wrong. He wanted Dean and kept asking for him.

He heard the mother speak, “Dean is his husband. He is away in the military. This is his brother in law on the phone. He lives with Sam while Dean is away. Here is his phone, you should take it with you.”

He startled when someone lifted him and soon he was moving under lots of lights. He thought he had taken a ride, too but his memory was not clear and then it was dark again.  

*****

Cas woke to the sound of beeping and felt like he had cotton in his mouth and sand in his eyes. His head hurt and he felt woozy. He blinked his eyes a few times and saw a very worried looking Sam and Jess standing next to the bed. Time must have passed because there were two chairs next to the bed like they had just stood when he stirred.

“Cas, you awake. Jess hit the call button for the nurse. Hey, Cas. We’re here, okay. You fainted at work and there was a little stool behind you. You smacked your head on it. You have a cut and a concussion. They did a bunch of tests to find out why and we are waiting for the doctor to come back with answers, okay?”

Cas nodded. Bad idea. He winced from the pain. He closed his eyes and lifted his hand from the bed, not getting far. He wanted someone to hold his hand. He was afraid and wanted Dean.

“Here, Cas, here we are sweetie,” Jess said as she and Sam took his hand in both of theirs. She was closer to his face and reached out and put a hand on his forehead. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

A nurse bustled in the room in bright scrubs and checked the machines and what must have been an IV in his arm. “Well, hello there Mr. Winchester. Awake now I see. My name is Missouri. You have a concussion and we have been waking you every two hours but this is the most alert you have been. I’m going to let the doctor know you are awake. He wants to talk to you. You might feel dizzy or sick and this bag here with the mask is in case you need to be sick.” She indicated to Sam and Jess what to do if Cas vomited and left the room.

“Dean?”

Sam looked at Jess before answering. “No we didn’t call Dean yet. We wanted to be able to have some information about what is going on before worrying him.”

Jess added, “Plus we thought you might like to talk to him, too.”

Cas smiled tersely and closed his eyes.

“That’s it, honey. Rest until the doctor comes.”

When the doctor finally came in, he introduced himself. He was a crotchety old man named Dr. Turner.  

“Well son, you knocked your head up pretty good. You have a concussion and a pretty good sized laceration,  from a stool apparently. Anyway we gave you eight staples and it should heal up nicely. You’ll be here a couple of days at least. You were dehydrated and need a little time to recover. Now there is something else we need to talk about and it is kind of personal so I want to know if you want these fine folks here or if you want me to shoo them out.”

“They can stay,” Cas rasped out. He held tighter to their hands and they did the same. Cas coughed and was so worried about what the doctor was going to say that he felt the tears start to fall.

“Missouri, can we get this nice boy a drink, please. He sounds a little dry,” Dr. Turner said. He stood on the opposite side of the bed from Sam and Jess and patted Cas on the shoulder. “It’s alright, son. You’re okay. We did a battery of tests on you. We scanned your head for injury and that all came out fine. We did not see any reason in any of the tests we did for you to be dizzy and pass out. Sam here gave us any pertinent information he had about your recent health and he told us you are a carrier.”

Missouri came in with a cup of ginger ale and gave Cas a sip. It felt so good. He smiled at her before turning back to the doctor. Cas was sure something awful was wrong, like cancer. How would he ever break the news to Dean.

“Mr. Winchester, I am gonna come right out and tell you that we did another blood test that came back with an answer as to why you are not feeling well.”

Cas felt himself begin to breathe way to fast. It made him feel even more nauseous. Dr. Turner spoke again.

“Hey now, no need to get yourself worked up. There is not a thing wrong with you. You’re just pregnant.”


	8. This is Not How I Pictured Finding Out, AKA: Miscommunication All Around...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean both know the news and neither of them finds out the way they dreamed they would...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, there is a limit as to how much I know about how the Air Force works, but this little notification thing that takes place actually happened to me and my husband once. I wasn't pregnant, but he was in training and I had a temporary loss of sight. I don't think it was the Red Cross either but I am going to make shit up as I go along. Hang on! LOL
> 
> Also, remember Cas is a carrier. Ughhh I have to get to the nitty gritty. In my mind, male carriers have a fertile time once a month, like women do and sort of like omegas in ABO but are not out of commission like omegas. They can get pregnant any time but are more likely to then. The do not have regular menstrual cycles, though. It's just fucking magical, okay?

Cas’ hands flew to his belly and time seemed to stop or at least slow down to a crawl. He imagined this moment so many times in his life. He had hoped for it, and was not embarrassed to admit, on occasion prayed for it. But it wasn’t like this.

It was different. In his dreams it was joyful and Dean was with him. They hugged and kissed and cried happy tears. It was a bonding moment they had both wanted.

It wasn’t discovered in relief of not having something wrong with him. It wasn’t a moment of worry that he had done something wrong. And he hadn’t, he knew that. But in the very second that the doctor had revealed his secret, another moment replayed a thousand times in Cas’ mind.

It was Honor Grad Sunday at the hotel when Cas thought the condom had broken and Dean’s reaction just looped

_“Hey Dean, I don’t think it is anything to worry about, but I think that last condom might have broken.”_

_“Shit, really? I didn’t think it had.” Dean always checked the condoms before tossing them. They had always been careful about not getting pregnant._

_“Maybe I’m wrong, honey. Nothing to worry about anyway, my fertile time was like two weeks ago. Remember when I was all worried about the trip and flying alone when Sam had to cancel. I was all over the place that week, so I am sure it was then.”_

_“Let’s, hope so. I don’t want to have to worry about being apart when you have our first baby. I want to be settled at our first base, you know?”_

_Cas stepped into the water spray and nodded in agreement._

Cas heard Jess’ squeal of delight and her congratulations. He heard Sam chuckle at Dean and Cas finding a way to sneak off during a military graduation weekend. He even heard the doctor wish him well. But none of those registered louder than Dean’s words.

_I don’t want to have to worry about being apart when you have our first baby. I want to be settled at our first base, you know?”_

Cas knew logically that they would not be apart when the baby came, only for the first few months, but he just didn’t want to add to Dean’s worries and stress of training as a fighter jet crew chief. It was a new plane and Dean was working hard. He snapped back into the present when the doctor spoke again. 

“You fainted because you have morning sickness and you got dehydrated which made you dizzy. That’s all. Now we are going to want to do some quick exams after you rest to check some things. But you are going to be fine. I’m gonna let that sink in a bit unless you have any questions.”

Cas shook his head and Dr. Turner excused himself. Cas covered his face with his hands and fought back tears. He was relieved he wasn’t sick, but how was he going to tell Dean.

“Cas, congratulations, man! You’re gonna be a Dad. This is so cool,” Sam said. “I’m gonna be an uncle. This is so awesome.”

“Yeah. I’m so excited for you guys,” Jess added then reading Cas’ reaction she stopped. “Cas, what is it. You seem upset.”

“I’m just not sure the timing is right and Dean and I just spoke at graduation about having a family. He wanted to wait until we were settled before we got started. I don’t know how I am going to tell him.”

Sam looked at him sadly. “Cas, Dean will be thrilled. All that talk about waiting will go out the window once he knows. You know how he is.”

Cas nodded. “I don’t even think I can talk to him. He is on a training mission and he doesn’t have his phone.”

Suddenly it was as if it started to sink in and Cas wanted Dean. His emotions caught up with him.. “I don’t feel good and I just want Dean.”

Jess hugged him and Sam said, “Let me work on getting to Dean. What information do you have on his base?”

Cas told Sam what he knew and about the Facebook page for the families of tech school airmen. He told Sam to use his phone to check it.

Sam walked out as Jess tried to help him relax but he was just so apprehensive he could not calm down. He realized his had an IV and his hand explored the bandage on his head. The cut seemed at least a few inches long. He was not feeling well again and he uttered one word, “Sick.”

Jess must have realized he wasn’t doing well because she was right there with the bag and then she wiped his face and helped him curl up on his side.

“I’m sorry you don’t feel well, sweetie,” she said soothingly. “It will all be okay. You’ll see. Sam will find out how to get Dean on the phone and once you tell him you will feel better.”

He nodded. She was probably right. He was adding to his symptoms with the stress he was placing on himself. He needed to relax and that always came back to needing Dean which brought him straight to having to break the news. It was an incredibly vicious circle.  

He must have dozed off because suddenly the nurse, Missouri he thought, was waking him. “Mr. Winchester. Hello there. It’s time to check your concussion status, darlin’. Do you know what day it is?”

“Thursday?”

“Good. Now, do you know where you are?”

“I’m in California, Stanford.”

“Well I was going for hospital but I’ll take it,” she laughed.

“And here’s a doozy...Who is the President?”

“Ughhh, Donald Trump, don’t remind me.”

“Good answer, sorry. You can rest again. But I do think your brother here has some good news.”

Sam had found out from the facebook page that because of Cas being injured and in the hospital, Dean could be notified through the Red Cross and was entitled to an immediate phone call. What no one realized was _how_ Dean would get the notification and how it would _actually_ be perceived.

 

*****

Dean was in the field as they called it in the Air Force. They were two months into their training and learning that sometimes you maintained jets in not so pleasant circumstances. They were doing routine tasks like changing tires and also complex troubleshooting out in the wind and sun. They were staying in tents in an encampment as well. The purpose of the training mission was simulating a deployment. They were technically on base, but two hours from hard communication lines. Everything out here was radio, just like the real field would be.

“Winchester!” He heard the call from behind him. It was one of the officers in command of the mission, and not his favorite person in general. Luckily Dean was well liked by all the sergeant’s really in charge of his training and evaluation, so he didn’t worry to much about being called out by Capt. Adler. The most he would do was embarrass Dean a bit, but he was used to it and so were the other airmen. He could suck it up.

“Winchester, Jesus are you deaf?” he asked sarcastically in front of everyone working with Dean on the jet.

“No Sir. Here I am Sir.”

“Airman Dean Winchester, correct.”

“Yes Sir, correct Sir.”

“You need to hump back to the base. Red Cross called. Something about your spouse. Take Lafitte with you, take a truck. See Jameson to issue you one. Here’s your temporary order to report to your supervising sergeant at the base.”

Dean heard nothing after spouse. He knew the man was talking, but nothing registered except Red Cross and spouse. They had been told how emergencies worked and that the red Cross was the system of notification.  Then he snapped into panic mode.

“Sir, what about my spouse is Cas alright? Is he hurt. Tell me, Sir.”

Capt. Adler seemed to realize what he had done when Dean began to crumble in front of everyone. Dean was a leader and nothing phased him when they threw situations at the crew. Suddenly his legs were cut from under him.

“I don’t know any details, airman. Just get your truck and get to the base, “ he nearly sneered.

Dean’s feet refused to move and he felt a hand on his arm. He saw Benny grab the orders and felt himself being hauled towards the temporary motor pool area. Benny yelled at him to sign and soon they were driving to the base.

“Now don't’ freak the fuck out yet, Dean. If it was really bad they would come talk to you personally. They would not send word. They told us that in basic, remember. Maybe something happened and-”

“Like what Benny! Fuck! Jesus! I can’t even! Don’t fucking talk, okay. Please! Just…”

Benny must have understood because they were silent for the rest of the two hours to the base. Dean jumped out of the truck before Benny had even gotten the key out and he ran for the barracks and his sergeant's office.

Pointing to a chair, his sergeant picked up the phone and entered a number. “Yes this is Sergeant Naomi with Airman Dean Winchester” and then he rattled off Dean’s social security number. He pointed to the chair next to Dean and Benny sat down.

Sergeant Naomi handed the phone to Dean, who thought he might throw up.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Dean,” Cas answered shakily. In that very moment his entire body turned to liquid jelly and he thought he might pass out in relief. He had honestly spent two hours thinking something terrible had happened and Cas might be gone.

“Fucking hell! Cas, baby are you okay?” he asked. He gave absolutely no fucks about who heard him talk to Cas like that.

“I’m fine, Dean. I’m sorry for all the fuss. I had an accident at work. I passed out and hit my head and I am in the hospital with a concussion.”

“Christ Cas, I just drove two fucking hours thinking you might be dead and I just…” he fought to control his emotions but he felt so glad that it was only a concussion and suddenly it seemed minor to him and not worthy of a Red Cross call and all the fucking stress. But then he remembered that Cas wasn’t military and expected to be under stress like Dean was used to. Dean felt Benny’s hand on his back.

“I’m so sorry, Dean. I’m fine, really. I am. That’s awful. I shouldn’t  have called but I-”

“No, no, Babe, don’t apologize. It’s not your fault that I heard the way I did. Are you really okay, sweetheart? Is Sam with you?” Dean asked softly.

“Sam and Jess are here, and I’m okay. I miss you, and I kinda wish you were here,” Cas said and then he explained what happened and about the cut on his head.

“Babe, I’m sorry I’m not there. I wish I was, too.”

“Dean, there’s something else I need to tell you…”

“Okay,” Dean said, feeling the hair on his arms raise. When he heard nothing, he feared the worst. His thoughts raced from them finding a brain tumor to Cas having found someone else.  He spoke again. “Go on, Cas. Whatever it is, we’ll handle it together, if that’s what you want.”

“Of course I want that, honey. I’m just not sure how to tell you,” Cas said. His voice was not as deep and gravely as usual and Dean could tell he was really nervous.

“Just rip it off like a bandaid, babe. Like we always do, right?” Dean said trying to sound reassuring. There was a great deal of silence. Dean could almost hear Cas thinking in his head. Suddenly Cas blurted something out.

“I’m pregnant.”

Dean was stunned. He thought Cas had said he was pregnant. But that wasn’t- wait, Dean has a flashback to something he and Cas had talked about. Honor Grad Sunday. Cas had thought there was a problem and then the reality hit him and he flipped.

He shouted, “Woohooooo, babe! We’re gonna have a baby! Did you hear that Benny. We’re pregnant. Well, Cas is pregnant.”

“That’s great, Dean. Tell Cas congratulations for me and Andrea,” Benny said when Dean hugged him. Cas, holy shit he was on the phone.

“Babe, babe are you alright? Are you happy? Oh Cas, honey why are you crying are you okay?”

****

Cas heard Dean yell, “Woohooooo, babe! We’re gonna have a baby! Did you hear that Benny. We’re pregnant. Well, Cas is pregnant.”

He immediately began to cry in relief. He heard Dean and Benny talk and then Dean returned to the phone.

“Babe, babe are you alright? Are you happy? Oh Cas, honey why are you crying are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m better actually. I just wasn’t sure that you would...I thought you said…” and he was crying too hard to talk.

“Jesus, Cas forget I ever said that. I’m sorry if you worried because of that. I’m thrilled, babe. Over the moon, okay?”

“Me too, Dean, me, too.”

They talked for a few more minutes. Cas explained more about what the doctor had said as to why he passed out and how long he would be in the hospital.

Sgt. Naomi gave the wrap up signal.

“Cas I have to go soon but I will be back at the base on Friday night. I’ll call you then, okay. Let me talk to Sam.”

“Hey Daddy," Sam said, and then he was silent for quite a bit before speaking. “You know we will. Of course. No, we will keep a close watch and take good care of him." Sam rolled his eyes so hard they could have fallen out of his head. “Alright Dean, I swear.”

Sam handed the phone back to Cas. “Dean I am not an invalid.”

“Sweetheart, I know you aren’t. But I can’t be there to help you and I want to be sure they take good care of you. I love you Cas. You know that, right? Take care of yourself and the baby, okay? And Cas...Thank you. This is the best news ever. I am sorry you feel so awful. I wish I was there to help you. I mean it. Thank you, babe.”

“Dean, you’re making me cry again. You’re welcome. I love you, too. I will take good care of us, I promise. Talk to you soon. Be careful, okay?”

When Dean hung up, Cas covered his face with his hands and sobbed. Dean was a wonderful man and the perfect husband. There was no doubt. Sam and Jess, who were now also crying tried to comfort him, but he really just needed to get it out of his system. They let him and soon without even realizing it, he had cried himself to sleep.

 

*****

Dean hung up the phone. He felt terrible that Cas was so sick he passed out, but he was so happy about the baby.

“Can you believe it? I am gonna be a Dad. A daddy. Me, Dean Winchester.”

“You seem a little excited there, Dean. Huh, I guess Honor Grad Sunday was a good day, huh?”

“Fuck off, Benny, Jealous?”

“Yeah, I guess I am. But I’m happy for you both.”

“Airman Winchester.”

Shit. Dean realized where he was and sat up in the chair. “Sorry Sgt. Naomi.”

“Not a problem, congratulations to you and your spouse. But I need to know who notified you of the Red Cross call.”

“Thank you, Sgt. And it was Capt. Adler who told me.”

“What did he say to you about the call. His exact words if you will, Airman.”

“Listen, I don’t want any trouble, Sgt. Naomi. He rides all of us as it is. If he gets into trouble because of me...just I don’t want that responsibility.”

“You don’t get the luxury of choosing to answer here, Airman Winchester. Exact words please.”

Those words were etched into his brain forever. Dean told her what had happened. “He said, Jesus, are you deaf, Winchester? You need to hump it back to the base. Red Cross called. Something about your spouse.”

“Were you not quick in getting to his tent?”

“Forgive me for speaking out of turn, Ma’am. He said that to Dean while he was working on the aircraft, in front of _everyone else_ working on the aircraft.”

She schooled the look of anger well, before saying. “I am sorry that you were told in that manner. Captain Adler was told that your spouse was in the hospital but fine. He was to tell you that, to assure you that it was nothing serious or life threatening. I am glad your spouse is going to be okay and that the reason for his accident is a happy one. You can head back to the field.”

“Thank you Sgt. Naomi. Will do.”

He and Benny headed out to the truck and on the road to the mission.

“She didn’t seem too pleased with that ass Adler.” Benny remarked. Dean didn’t give a shit about any of it.

“Gonna be a father Benny,” Dean said, voice thick with pride and emotion.

“Yes, you are. Hell of a day, huh?”

Yeah, not how I pictured finding out, you know?” Dean, laughed and rubbed the back of his neck.

Benny’s laugh rumbled and though it felt nice to share the moment with him, Dean couldn’t help but think of how much he wished he could be with Cas.

 


	9. Life is Full of Little Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like the title says, life is full of little surprises...some you like and some you just put up with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all, I am going to be basing a lot of what I know about housing and shit from when I grew up. Now, I am sure all of the rules have changed, so just float with me in the made up world I have created, lol. Also I accompanied my daughter's senior class to Virginia Beach and Williamsburg like in 2010 so that is my level of expertise in the area, but my parents were stationed here when they had their first three kids so it's kind of sentimental for me...
> 
> So in a nutshell, lots of made up military base life shit coming your way over the next few chapters...

It took Cas a few days to feel better from the concussion. Apparently smacking your head on the sharp edge of a wooden stool can do some serious damage. It gave him time to absorb the fact that he was pregnant. The ginormous bouquet of pink and blue flowers from Dean certainly helped.  He signed it simply: _I love you both..._

Once he had spoken to Dean, Cas felt ridiculous for even questioning how Dean would react to the happy news. He finally relaxed and let himself enjoy the fact that they were starting their family. He waited a couple of days after being released from the hospital and then he asked Jess to come with him to his followup appointment.

He chose a doctor based on proximity to where they lived and online reviews, he wouldn’t be delivering here anyway. Jess asked around and ruled out any obvious reasons not to go to him. Though he was pleasant and thorough, those kinds of appointments were never fun. Dean was not going to miss it  because Cas had taken the latest appointment available on the schedule and by then Dean was done with his day.

That was how Cas found himself face timing his husband with his feet in the stirrups and Jess holding his hand. Luckily everything went well and Cas would have one more monthly check in before moving to wherever Dean was stationed. He would not get an ultrasound until he was four months along, which meant waiting for the move as well.

Cas was told to continue his life as normal minus one thing. Due to the morning sickness being bad enough to cause him to faint, the doctor did not recommend continuing his runs. Cas was devastated at first when he heard.

“But I run daily and have since before I was pregnant. I thought it was safe to continue, not just start a new activity?”

The doctor replied sympathetically, “Normally that is true, but you lost consciousness at work. You’ve got runner’s legs for sure, but it is time to walk for a while, until the nausea improves. You don’t want to cause any undue stress or harm at this point. You are about 2 months along. I suggest you walk for a month or so and we will discuss your options next visit. How’s that?”  
  
“Cas, Babe, take it easy for a bit. Don’t overdo it, alright?” Dean followed after the doctor.

“I don’t want to take any chances, but running is important to me. It helps me stay in balance with stress. I’ll miss it. I can walk, but do you mean lazy sunday walk or walk as a form of exercise walk? There’s a difference.” Cas asked for clarification.

The doctor reassured him. “No, I get it. You can walk like exercise. You can sweat. Let’s just back down a notch or two. You did have a pretty bad concussion and were quite dehydrated from the morning sickness.”

Cas resigned himself to the change and they ended the appointment and headed home. He had prenatal vitamins to pick up and he chatted with Dean as Jess drove to Walgreens. Cas couldn’t help but smile when he bought them and corrected the clerk who thought he was getting them for his wife. He knew carriers were not terribly common, but he did not realize how few must be out there until Texas and now at the counter. The guy even backpedalled and apologized for assuming, but Cas brushed it off. He saw this clerk a lot and they were no name friendly.

*****

Cas returned to work and began walking daily. He missed his runs with Sam, but sometimes Sam walked with him instead of his run so they still got a little time together. Walking wasn’t quite the release running was, but it was better than nothing. His staples came out after ten days and he was cleared of any trouble from the concussion.

As the morning sickness became more consistent, he had stashes of saltines and peppermints every where he could need them. At work, the were in his desk drawer, in the pocket of his storytime rocking chair and in his cubby in the staff room. At home they were in his nightstand drawer so he could have them when he woke up, in the drawer of the coffee table and on the island in the kitchen.

He looked in the mirror and hardly even saw the green pallor anymore. He knew where every public bathroom was on his daily walk and the bus ride home from work. He had used them all and more than once had  little old ladies befriend him with a knowing look and a clean but crumpled tissue. .

Honestly, he wore his morning sickness like a badge, with pride and what joy he could muster through the nausea. It was hard, but purposeful and he knew it. He could tolerate anything if it meant he was carrying his and Dean’s child. It was worth the suffering...and suffer he did.

He was useless in the kitchen, cooking food exacerbated the issue and unfinished food on plates brought on his gag reflex instantly. Sam and Jess were understanding and Cas was out of the dinner making and dish rotation. He pitched in as often as possible but his morning sickness knew no time table and he was often prone on the sofa with a plastic bag lined garbage can after work.

As he passed the three month mark and his second monthly check up, he found himself surviving on ginger ale, saltines, frozen grapes, and oddly campbell’s chicken noodle soup.

Dean was beside himself that he could not help and often told Cas just to leave the phone up to his ear while he was down for the count at night. Dean would sing to Cas, soothing songs like Ed Sheeran, Cas’ favorite. He would also talk to the baby already. Most nights Cas fell asleep, a few stray tears on his face and Dean would hang up without Cas even knowing. It was a taxing experience going through it apart, but that time was almost over. They were just waiting out the last little bit of their separation.

*****

Every morning Dean woke to the one thing he had asked Cas to do for him. Cas had created a private instagram account @Winchesterbaby1, and every morning since he had known he was pregnant, including when he was in the hospital, Cas had taken a front and side shot selfie.  There was no change in Cas’ belly but Dean could see when he looked good and when he looked tired and sick.

On days Cas looked good, Dean made naughty comments but nothing too personal in case it ever went public. On days Cas looked like he needed the support and extra love, Dean texted more and called as soon as he could. They could only use their phones during down time, they were required to leave them in their dorms, but Dean did what he could.

Today Cas had looked tired but not so sick. Dean had been hoping for a great day to drop the news, but he had already kept it from him for a week. Assignments had come out and they did not get Dean’s first choice, or his second. He had however, procured housing within a week of Cas’ arrival and that meant less time in the temporary living quarters or TLQ. He took a deep breath and called, it was already nine and Cas would not be up much later.

The phone rang and Dean could hear that Cas was glad he called.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas answered and Dean could tell he was smiling as he spoke. Excellent, Cas was in a good mood.

“Hey, Cas. How you feeling tonight? You sound good.”

“I feel pretty good, actually. I am in the tub, wishing I was not alone and that is something I have not felt in a little bit, so…”

Dean laughed, “Fuck if I didn’t think Benny would walk in any minute I would help you out, babe,” Dean replied, silently cursing the dorms.

“That’s okay, honey. It won’t be long and I probably shouldn’t take the chance of overdoing it this late anyway. I wasn’t sure you’d call tonight, it’s later than usual,” Cas reassured Dean.

“I was late to dinner because Benny and I were doing paperwork at the housing office...We got our assignments…” Dean dropped the information, waiting for a reaction.

“That’s great, Dean. Did we get Travis?” Dean knew Cas had wanted to stay in California to be near Sam and Jess, especially now, with the baby and Travis was only a car ride from Palo Alto.

“No actually we did not get Travis, babe...I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, then did we get Nellis? Las Vegas would be an adventure,” Cas asked hopefully.

“Babe I have good news and I have bad news, lots of both. What do you want first?” Dean asked, dreading disappointing Cas who had supported Dean without complaint since their journey began.

“Bad first, like a bandaid,” Cas answered sounding resolved and supportive as usual.

“We got Langley, Cas, and I am not going to be able to come home to travel with you if you want me to have any time helping you settle when we get our housing.”

“Langley? Isn’t that close to where you are now? And what happened to ten days leave when you finished Tech School?” Cas asked abruptly and Dean could tell he was trying not to sound disappointed.”

“Langley is right next door to where I am in Virginia and because they need us so bad, we are only going to get ten days. Usually we would get extra time to settle in housing and stuff, but no go right now, so if you want me to be around when you get here, I better not waste any travel time.”

“I see.” Cas was not angry but he was curt.

“Cas I know it’s not what I told you and I’m sorry. I thought it would play out differently and we would be near family.”

“Well, Dean we will be with each other and that counts, plus Sam and Jess can afford to travel. And Gabe can, too. So when the baby comes they can visit us. Now if that’s all the bad news, tell me the good parts.” Cas said with determination.

“The first good news is, Benny and his family got Langley, so we will know someone when we get there.”

“That is very nice. I liked Andrea. And they have kids so she will be a resource for me, I mean she is not male, but close enough, right?” Cas genuinely sounded excited. “What else?”

“Well, as of today, I got us a house on base. It is a two bedroom house in the new section of the housing area. It is really nice. Benny is in the new section, too but in bigger houses and so not exactly near us but walkable. The base is actually pretty nice all around, so I think you will enjoy it. Plus we are close to small beaches and less than an hour from Virginia Beach. Also Williamsburg and other historical areas are only a drive. There is a lot to do for fun, babe. I can’t wait for you to get here.”

“Sounds good, Dean. We will be fine. I just wonder, why do you think you got your last choice?”

“Honestly, Cas, Benny and I are the top two in our class and I think they picked us. Langley is the oldest fighter squadron in the air force and I think it’s actually a compliment. No one said that but everyone kind of congratulated us and these guys all came in gung ho fighter crew chief wanna be types.”

“Well, Dean, of course they want you. You’re the best. We’ll be fine, you know that. As long as we are together, that’s what matters. I’ll start looking up fun day trips, okay?”

“Okay, Cas, I love you. Thanks for being so good about everything.”

“We said when we started that it would be an adventure, and so far we are living up to that, right?” Cas laughed as he spoke.

“You better believe it! Go hard or go home, right?” Dean laughed along with him.

“Oh Dean, don’t say go hard, I’m hormonal!”

“Jesus, Cas!”

“I can’t help it, Dean. Rest up, honey, you’re gonna need it.”

Dean laughed as they exchanged I love yous and hung up. That had gone better than he thought. He was a lucky man to have Cas as his husband.

******

The next morning Cas broke the news to Sam and Jess, but they agreed to look on the bright side and looked forward to seeing the east coast. Even Gabe took it well when Cas called later after work and so Cas’ began to come to peace with the idea that they would essentially be on their own for a while.

Really, Dean and Cas had never been on their own completely. There were college breaks and weekend laundry visits and Gabe coming and going when he wanted. Maybe, Cas thought, just maybe it would be like the honeymoon they never really had. Cas spent his evenings resting and looking up things to do in and around Langley and his apprehension lessened while his excitement grew.

He remembered Dean had talked about the fact that they had a house and Cas began to mentally furnish it. After the summer program ended, Cas was supposed to be finished but the librarian who had taken maternity leave asked Cas if he wanted to stay until he left for Virginia. He had agreed to it despite the morning sickness and it was well worth it.

The summer job had been at a decent hourly wage because it was a fill in job, but when he agreed to September and October, it was at the regular salary pay. Suffice it to say librarians made more in California than in Kansas and if they were careful, they could buy what they needed to furnish their house, their _home_.

Cas worked the rest of his time at the library as the official children’s daytime librarian. He ran two mommy and me groups for birth to two year olds, had open story time each day at nine thirty and ran an after school discussion group for different ages on different days. It was a full schedule and that didn’t include shelving the books and doing all the paperwork. At times it was difficult with the morning sickness, but it was his dream job.

Before any of them realized it Cas’ dream job was over. Cas was coming home after the last official day of being in charge of the library. The librarian on leave was returning, and Cas was taking the last week before the move to get packed and to rest a bit.

It had honestly been one big party and crying fest. There had been fruit platters and homemade goodies all day on one of the tables in the children’s library. His bag was full of cards and his arms carried big bunches of flowers. It had been an interesting bus ride.

Every single group he led had taken up a collection. They had mostly bought gift cards for national places like Target and Amazon. He had been so touched. The mommy and me groups got him gift cards for Baby’s r us and Barnes and Noble, for the nursery and a little library. They had wanted to give him the books with notes written in them, but he had mentioned he was only taking four suitcases and they changed their mind and got the card instead.

The staff had cake at lunchtime and had collected money for a JCPenney gift card for five hundred dollars. The friend of Sam’s who had gotten him the job to begin with had organized the party and made sure the families knew when Cas would be done.

“Towels and bedding from Penneys are the best I have ever owned, remember that,” she had told Cas and they had laughed together about it.

Cas barely got his key in the door when he felt it open in front of him and he nearly fell through it.

“Cas, sorry, I didn’t know your arms were so full. I’m sorry,” Sam apologized.

“I didn’t expect so many gifts, so the bus was interesting,” he chuckled back, face still covered by flowers.

Sam tried to help him with his bags and flowers still in the entryway, “You should have called me to come get you.”

“Well, you’re usually still at work, what’s going on?”

Suddenly from the living room Cas heard a familiar voice shout, “Then you should have called me to come get you, I was just waiting here.”

Cas dropped everything right where he stood and then stepped over the pile to get to his brother, “Gabriel, holy shit, what are you doing here?”

“Well, holy shit to you too, but I’m not the kind of guy who doesn’t see his kid brother before he goes to live all the way on the east coast as far east as you can east, now am I?”

Cas laughed in Gabe’s embrace and the two held each other until Gabe realized Cas was crying.

“Hey now, no bawling,” Gabe said, rubbing Cas’ back.

Cas let go and waved Gabe off, smiling through the tears. “Oh yeah, there is quite a bit of bawling around here lately. Comes with the territory.” He patted his belly for good measure.

“It’s good to see you little brother,” Gabe smiled. “You’ve got me for a whole week.”

It hit Cas, Sam, Jess and Gabe must have planned this. No, wait, he’d bet anything Dean knew, too.

“You guys are so sneaky. I bet you hid this for a while, huh?”

“Only two weeks, Cas,” Jess soothed. Hey get your stuff put away, we are having a good dinner tonight, with butter and everything.”

Cas laughed and Gabe helped him pick up the bags and flowers. They put all the bouquets in water and Cas shared his cards and gifts. Some of the cards from kids were hysterical. Many had drawn Cas with an enormous belly despite the fact that he wasn’t even showing yet. They put all the cards and gifts into one gift bag and Cas took them up to his room.

He changed into comfortable yoga pants and a t shirt. Cas was going to need maternity clothes soon. His nicer things were getting tight. He was waiting until he got to Virginia to buy for the weather there to save money. He could survive a few more days here, especially now that he was done with work.

They had fettucini alfredo with chicken and broccoli, salad, and fresh bread from Cas’ favorite bakery. Cas picked and ate small bites, not like he usually ate pasta and Gabe noticed.

“You okay, Cas. You love alfredo.”

“Oh yes I do, but I have to be super careful how much I eat of anything right now. If I ate a normal serving it would be coming right back up before the dishes were done,” he explained.

Jess jumped right in and added, “We usually serve him a few bites and save another few bites for an hour or two from now. You’ll see how it works, it’s been tough, but Cas is a trooper. He’s gonna be a great Daddy.”

Cas teared up and Jess teared up and Sam and Gabe weren’t far behind.

Jess cried, “I just don’t understand why they couldn’t give him Travis. Then we could have all of our holidays together without too much travel, just you Gabe. It would be so much easier and I am not gonna get to be Auntie Jess very often…”

Cas reached across the table and grabbed her hand. “Oh Jess, you will always be Auntie to this little baby, you know that…”

She nodded and Sam looked at Gabe with a weak smile, “This is how every dinner ends. I am counting on you to help me out.”

They cleaned up the dishes and Jess brought out a fresh fruit tart from the same bakery where she got the bread. Cas’ eyes lit up.

“It’s your favorite, right?” Jess asked with a hopeful smile.

“Yes it is, I want a kiwi piece,” Cas answered rubbing his hands together. They ate the dessert and talked about all the things they could do during the week to get Cas ready and to have a little fun while Gabe was visiting.

They skyped Dean when it was time and he was out of work, he’d been to the house to see it. “Well, CE, that’s civil engineering, has to get in and paint it before we move in so it’s clean, but I found out that we can paint it colors after if we want to, Cas. I know you are doing some planning, so think about that. We have a little time to paint if you want, I mean we have no furniture so now's the time to do it, right?”

It was so exciting now that it was all happening and that night in bed, Cas had his phone and was scrolling through pinterest pinning color ideas for different rooms in their house. Tomorrow he and Gabe were going to take the bus and walk around to all Cas’ favorite places.

Cas knew how fast the time was going to fly by and if he couldn’t be with Dean just yet, he was grateful to spend it with Sam, Jess, and Gabe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that everyone is still enjoying the story...I am dwindling down in muse level, comments and questions almost always improve that...


	10. A Little Fun Before We Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam, Jess, Gabe, and Cas take a day trip that doesn't quite end the way they intended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be part of a complete chapter of Gabe's visit but it got to be large and so I have split it into two. 
> 
> Big thanks to Lizerd70 for sharing her tremendous knowledge of the Palo Alto area. This part of the fic would not be the same without the help.

 

“So, Gabe, this little area is called California Avenue and it has lots of shopping. Cas, there is an adorable baby boutique and we are going there for sure. I am not going to have my little niece or nephew leave the state of California without a little something for his or her closet not to mention the nursery,” Jess insisted as the three men dutifully trotted behind her.

They had gotten a late start. Cas was up sick in the night and they let him sleep in, even though it upset him. Cas did not want people to change their plans because of his nausea. They had driven and parked in a lot and were now walking, perusing shops and just relaxing.

Cas felt better and walking and chatting with Gabe was nice. Honestly, Sam, Jess and Cas had been so busy with work, they had not done all of the things they swore they would do while Cas was living with them. Sam and Jess had some time in their schedules this week and they were all going to have a blast together. They had made rough plans this morning over coffee and were all looking forward to some fun.

“You know I am ashamed we didn’t get out to do more while you were here, Cas,” Sam said sincerely.

“It was a busy time and truthfully, none of us expected me to have morning sickness,” Cas chuckled reassuringly. “We always had dinner together, even if sometimes it was after eight when we did,  and we had our runs and our yoga. I loved being here, don’t worry, Sam.”

Sam nodded and patted Cas gently on the back. Cas was grateful for the change of scenery while Dean was away. He was grateful as well, for the time he spent with them and for the chance for Gabe to come and be part of it, too. He just wished Dean were here as well.

Before any of them knew it, lunchtime rolled around and they had not even gotten to the baby store yet. Cas, however, did spot a California Pizza Kitchen. Jess had taken him once after yoga and it was delicious.

“Hey can we eat there?” Cas asked. They all agreed and soon they were seated in a quiet booth, perusing the diverse menu.

The others were chatting but Cas was ravenous and eyeballing the menu. He had not eaten much that morning and now he was ready to consume everything CPK had to offer. It all sounded _so_ good.

“I want these thai chicken spring rolls, they were good last time...peanut sauce and cilantro...mmmmm...and then I definitely want the Thai chicken pizza covered in more of that peanut sauce and those crunchy bean sprouts.” He closed his eyes and just pictured that pizza coming out. He gave himself a moment and then continued to read. “Oh my God this caramelized pear and gorgonzola with arugula on it sounds so good, I want that, too, sweet pears with the melted, salty cheese...yuuuuum. And then I am having key lime pie for dessert. Jesus, I am starving,” he sort of sang to himself.

Only he must have said it all out loud because Gabe, Sam, and Jess were staring at him, holding their menus, mouths gaping. Gabe spoke up.

“Why do I feel like my baby brother just read erotica out loud?”

Jess answered with a laugh, “Because I think he just did.”

“Hungry, Cas?” Sam teased.

Cas frowned, objecting to the ribbing. He put his hand on his belly and shot back, “Hey now, we were up all night puking and I barely ate a cracker this morning, so give me a break.”

The three backpedalled not realizing Cas was preying upon their sympathies, and he let them flounder until Gabe caught on. “Holy hell, Cas.”

“You all deserved that for teasing. Now you know what I want, what are _you all_ gonna order?”

Cas enjoyed every bite of his food. Of course he shared the spring rolls and pizzas and they ordered a few more things as well, all having a taste of everything on the table. But the pie, he ate that tart, creamy, delectable piece of pie all by himself. Dean would have been proud. He also drank three peach lemonades and he left the restaurant full and satisfied.

They continued their walking, but it was quite warm for October and they took frequent breaks in shops so Cas could cool off. They also searched for public restrooms on behalf of Cas’ bladder...frequently. Finally, Jess was in her glory when the baby store appeared.

It was a very trendy place with matching trendy prices. Cas stopped looking at tags as he walked around inhaled all the sweet baby things. How could a store smell so good, like happiness and sweet baby scent, and snuggles. It was...it was joyful, and adorable and soft…

Cas was siffing back tears before he even knew it and before he could even remember to  feel embarrassed he announced, “I’m pregnant and this place is so beautiful and sweet.”

Jess hugged him and laughed. The salespeople went from concerned to relieved to almost feral, clearly they worked on commission. Other customers nearby, some visibly pregnant, some not, all smiled and nodded. Surprisingly,  no one seemed to think him weird or out of place. He took offered tissues and blew his nose.

Cas felt all the fabrics of the tiny clothes and looked at all the gadgets and nursery things. It felt like only a few minutes but over an hour had passed. Cas was four months along, certainly safe enough to make a purchase or two and he decided to get some neutral newborn things. He also learned that those things were considered layette items.

He picked an adorable young salesperson to help him. She explained a lot about what people usually bought and whispered what she thought her own sister really used and what she thought was a waste of money, swearing him not to tell her boss.

Cas chatted with Jess and picked out a few pieces that would be cute on any baby. He found the sweetest tiny woodland animal print on ivory fabric. There was a kimono style long sleeve bodysuit and he chose plain ivory pants to match. There were also tiny ivory socks with a tiny little deer embroidered on them. He added a one piece suit in the same print that had long sleeves and little animal feet built right in. Of course he could not resist the matching knit hat, or the ivory cableknit cardigan either. Then there was a matching swaddle blanket, that seemed a reasonable purchase as well.

He walked around admiring the rest of the items in the store with no intention of picking up anything else, when he found the cutest set of bookends. The set was little orange foxes and Cas was in love. He almost put them back but then thought of all the books he would read to their baby and held the sweet bookends to his chest. That was it he was done. He walked to the checkout where Jess, who must have been picking things up when Cas wasn’t looking, was already taking her bag from the clerk. 

The total was rather alarming, but not as bad as he thought it could be in this cute little shop, and the clothes were beautifully made.  He pulled out his bank card and was about to hand it over when Gabe’s arm came around and pushed his own card there first.

“Gabe, no. What are you doing?” Cas asked.

“I’m buying my niece or nephew a gift.”

“But, I didn’t-”

“Cas, I am not a baby shopper and I really enjoyed _you_ picking out what you liked. If I had told you to get something from me, you would have chosen the cheapest thing in the store whether you needed it or not. These are things you were splurging on, I know that face. Now unless you have some deep rooted need to buy these with your own money, let it be my treat, _please_?”

Cas wrapped Gabe in a warm hug. “Thank you Gabe. I really appreciate it.”

Gabe nodded to the clerk who slid the card through. Cas sniffed and tried to hold back the tears.

“Oh geez, again with the water works,” Gabe groaned in jest.

Cas laughed, “Well, if you weren’t so nice…”

“Sheeesh, baby brothers,” Gabe rolled his eyes but then winked at the clerk as he handed back his card.

Once outside Jess couldn’t wait to show Cas what she, and Sam, had bought.

“Look, I got the same layette pieces you bought but I got the yellow ones with bunnies all over them. I kinda thought you were going with the woodland creatures and bunnies were better than lambs, right?”

“Well, I just kind of fell in love with the little clothes I found, and the bunnies are adorable, but I am not sure I should pick a theme without Dean.”

“Oh, Jess said sounding rather disappointed. “Well I saw you get the bookends with the little foxes and you had been looking at the woodland animal print sets, so Sam and I picked them up for the nursery.”

She took a tissue wrapped print out of the bag and showed Cas. It was a little fawn on a background of white with tiny polka dots and underneath it was written _be kind._ He knew there were several other animals and they all had traits that he would want his child to exhibit, like: be curious, be clever, be brave.

He had looked at them for a long time but they were well over a hundred dollars. They _had_ made him think that a woodland animal themed nursery would be adorable and gender neutral. But to make that decision without Dean seemed wrong. Cas quickly became concerned and was trying to figure out a way to negotiate through this little issue when he heard Jess.

“Here, Cas, sit on this bench where it’s shady.” He sat and she sat next to him, laughing nervously. “You look a little overwhelmed. Cas, you don’t have to keep these. I can return them. I won’t mind.”

“No, it’s fine, I love them. Dean and I can talk about it later. I do like the idea that it is not solely a pink or blue concept. Thank you, Jess and Sam, too. They were very pricey and they are adorable.”

They went on to shop their way down the street and back up the other side before deciding to head home. Cas was feeling a bit tired and hungry, always hungry with a dash of nausea. He sighed audibly when Sam took his bags and he finally sat in the back seat of the car.

“Hey, Jess and I know this great Indian place called Shiva’s not too far from here. Anyone interested or are you worn out for the day, Cas?” Sam asked looking at Cas in the rearview mirror, hopefully.

“I’m a little tired, but we have to eat, right?” he answered. The smile on Sam’s face told him it was the right answer, despite his yearning for a nap. “I think if no one minds, I’ll just close my eyes on the way there.” He rested his head against the window and soon he was out.

“Cas...Cas buddy…” he heard Gabe’s voice. “Maybe we should just go home, huh?”

Cas snapped awake. “No, no...I’m up, it’s fine. I don’t want to have to go home and one of us cook or have the mess of take out. Let’s eat and then we can just go home and watch a movie or something?”

“More like take a soak in the bathtub and go to bed,” Jess countered, her bright laugh ringing through the car.

Cas nodded as he stretched and pulled the door handle. It was October, but still warm during the day and he had worn khaki shorts and a tshirt and had left a lightweight hoodie in the car in case it got chilly. He pulled that on and zipped it up as they headed into the restaurant. It looked really nice, almost too much for his outfit.

As if reading his mind, Sam spoke up. “It looks fancy from the outside, but it goes either way inside. Jess and I have been here for fancy stuff and casual like today.”

He was right, the outside may have said big city fancy, but the inside was a beautiful, colorful and comfortable place. Honestly, Cas felt transported and he knew it sounded corny, so he kept that thought to himself.

They ordered drinks and some kind of potato, cheese and spinach cakes to share. The menu was big and required some reading. They all decided to try different things so they could share and taste each others. Cas was about halfway through when he began to see familiar words and he hit an item that just sounded good. He did not bother to read further.

“I think I’m gonna have this tandoor mix grill. It had two kinds of chicken and two kinds of lamb.”

“That’s what I usually get. Sam will be happy. He always get mixed vegetable briyani. It’s like fried rice but only its not. It is really good though.”

“And I am still getting it. _What_? It’s my favorite,” Sam protested.

Gabe looked pensive and then said, “Well, I have heard of chicken tikka masala, so I’ll give it a go.”

“You’ll like that, Gabe. I think I will get something new and this lamb roganjosh sounds good. It is a spicy curry, like not hot spicy but ginger, garlic and cloves, spicy. Then we will have tried a little of everything on the menu. This is fun! When we come with our other friends from work only Sam and I share.”

They also ordered naan bread with garlic, olive oil and a few spices. Everyone got a glass of wine but Cas who had a ginger ale. They chatted about their shopping and ate the delicious cheesy potato cakes. Cas ate his in two bites he was so hungry.

Pregnancy hunger could sneak up on him. One minute he would be so so in the tummy and then he would smell something that appealed to him and scarf it down instantly. He had to be careful because feeling full did the same thing and a few times he had made himself sick by unconsciously overeating.

The food arrived and they all began to eat and pick off each other’s plates. They all loved their choices and Cas inhaled the naan bread. They even ordered more. Sam’s rice dish was delicious and his own grill was tender and juicy, but the fragrant spices of Jess’ curry sang to him like a siren. He kept dipping into her dish over and over. Cas was in heaven...until he wasn’t.

 _Oh, no...not now,_ Cas thought. One minute he was enjoying all the flavors on his plate and tearing off pieces of naan to wipe up sauce from Jess’ curry and the next minute he felt the telltale burp coming. He sipped his ginger ale and stopped eating for a minute or two. It took some considerable chewing and breathing to get that last bite in his mouth to go down.

A few sips of gingerale and no more eating seemed to do the trick so Cas just kept talking and listening and sipping. They were making plans for the rest of the week. Beach and boardwalk one day, a day in San Fran doing the sites, another day at the zoo and of course packing for Cas. Sam and Jess had managed to get a day or two off during the week. Both of them were in trial preparation and they had a little leeway.

He was definitely feeling better and then they brought around a dessert cart. Cas took one look and knew he would pass, his vision blurred looking at the heavy sweet items in front of him. Then he heard Sam.

“What flavors of ice cream do you have tonight?”

Cas loved ice cream. He had wanted ice cream several times today but since getting pregnant, sometimes it bothered him. He listened with one eye scrunched shut and one open, hoping none of the flavors appealed to him, but then the server said _and we have our special mango available as well._

“I’ll have mango,” Cas called out impulsively. “Please,” he added when he realized what he had done. He thought he probably shouldn’t but he did and soon the sweet, orange colored, perfectly scooped ball of deliciousness was set before him and he inhaled it. _Bad idea_ was his first thought after the last spoonful was gone.

The nausea started in his belly and seemed to creep through his blood vessels to every cell in his body. He felt sweat beginning to bead at the hairline of his forehead and on his top lip. It always started there first. Clammy. Clammy hands, sour mouth, lots of saliva and he knew it was inevitable.

Sam was directly across from him in the low lighting of the dinner service. He must have noticed. “Cas, you okay? You look-”

“Bathroom?” Cas said and asked simultaneously.

Sam pointed and offered to come but Cas just held out his hand in the stop position and headed quickly in the right direction.

There was nothing worse than vomiting in a public restroom, especially the way Cas had just done it. Fast and furious. It had taken about three bouts to really give him relief and he doubted he would eat curry for a very long while, or mango ice cream...or mango anything for that matter. He blew his nose and flushed the toilet for what he hoped was the final time and exited the stall.

He was fully soaked with sweat, both from his efforts and the heat of the tiny, enclosed stall. He looked at himself in the mirror, it was not good. He was still green and that combined with the plastered sweaty shirt and hair, was not a pretty picture. He splashed water on his face and wiped it with a paper towel just as another man came to use the urinal. At least he had puked alone.

He was attempting to tame his hair when Gabe came in. “Alright little brother? You’ve been in here ten minutes.”

Cas looked up at him in the mirror and never said a word as Gabe pulled him in for a gentle hug. Cas lowered his head to Gabe shoulder and shuddered a bit thinking about what had just happened. Gabe’s comment lightened the mood.

“Why is it everytime I hug you I am reminded of how short I am?”

Cas laughed weakly and then said, “I think we better go, I am not in good shape.”

“Sam and Jess are getting the car, I was sent to make sure you were alive and not covered in your own juices.”

“Thanks...a lot. I might be.”

“Come on little brother, let’s get you home,” Gabe said unusually sweetly.

The ride home, was the longest of Cas’ life. They had to stop several times, when they could, to let him dry heave on the side of the road. It was awful and by the time he got home, he was reduced to quiet tears of frustration. They got him into a quick shower and then to bed. He didn’t even feel well enough to go through the baby things he bought.

Dean called, _probably prompted by Sam_ , Cas thought, but he needed him and it was nice to hear his voice even though he knew it was late in Virginia. He immediately spilled his guts about the nursery, feeling guilty. Dean chuckled but Cas could hear the sympathy in his voice.

“Cas, babe, don’t be upset about that. I had not even thought about it yet, but animals make sense because we don’t know if it is a boy or a girl and I was gonna ask if we could keep it a surprise until he or she get here.”

Cas face nearly split in two when Dean said he wanted the baby’s gender to be a secret. He had wanted that, too. His smile brought happy tears and he felt a little better.

“I’d like to be surprised, too, Dean.”

“Alright, Cas. I learned a lullaby from Disney, so I am gonna practice on you until the baby comes, okay?”

Cas fell asleep to Dean singing something about la la lu and star sweepers. It was soothing and everything Cas needed minus Dean curled up behind him.

Peppermint tea and crackers were all that Cas could handle the next day. It was a Sunday and he couldn’t help but feel like he wasted the day for all of them, but Jess and Sam got some work done for the office. Gabe and Cas napped...a lot. Cas had morning sickness to blame for spending most of the day in bed and Gabe had jet lag to blame for snoozing on the couch.

By dinner Cas felt well enough to eat a little soup and to go through the baby things they had purchased yesterday. At bedtime, he started a board on pinterest for a woodland animal themed nursery. He texted Dean a few pictures and dreamt of a sweet room for their sweet baby. 

 

 

[Lullaby that Dean sang to Cas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMzbsogZq4w)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up the rest of their little vacation trips and Cas is off to Virginia...


	11. The Long Road and The Kindness of Others

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas leaves California and heads to meet Dean, but it is a long and harrowing day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have flown under dire circumstances before and did not get any help from anyone. I wanted that to be different for Cas. I waved my wand a few times about how airlines work, so be prepared, lol. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and commenting. I am so grateful. Thanks once again to Lizerd70 for all of her help with the San Fran area, though I did bend the true facts a bit to suit my needs. 
> 
> Shitty editing, forgive me...

Cas was through security and waved frantically to Jess, Sam and Gabe. Goodbye had been very hard and Cas had cried throughout the check in process. He had woken sick and tired but could not bear to change his ticket. Gabe flew out Monday morning and they probably could have flown part of the way together, but Cas needed to be with Dean.

He tied his running shoes, picked up his backpack and headed for his gate. It was 4:30 am and he was struggling. When he bought the ticket his morning sickness had been getting better, but the past week had really worn him out and he had taken a step or two back in the feeling good department. He wouldn’t trade the time with his family and all the day trips but he would have trimmed back some and maybe not be so tired for his flight to Dean.

He found a table near a Starbucks, not too far from the gate area he needed and he took the time to text Dean.

**Cas: Made it through security. I am tired and my stomach is a mess, but I can’t wait to get to you. Love you <3**

A few minutes later Dean answered.

**Dean: Can’t wait either. On my way to work. I have a surprise but I can’t wait and I am gonna tell it. I flew a military hop to Kansas on Friday evening with Benny and picked up Baby from Bobby. Hope your tummy gets better, love you too. Keep me posted…**

**Cas: That is so great Dean. I can’t wait to hear her engine roar again. Text you later I need to try to eat something.**

 

Cas got mini scones and found a sprite at the little mini mart store. He had brought water in his backpack but he needed the bubbles and a little sugar this morning. He sat by the window at his gate and he thought about how much fun the week had been.

_The Santa Cruz Beach and Boardwalk had been a huge hit. It was chilly Monday so Cas felt good most of the time and despite the sun, managed to not get overheated. They walked the beach, even rolling up their jeans and letting the water hit their feet. It was beautiful and calming to hear the waves._

_They hit the boardwalk and rode the ferris wheel and the sky glider which gave them a bird's eye view of the entire park. Cas scoped out all the food places he wanted to eat and when their feet hit the ground, Cas knew exactly where to go. He started with a carne asada burrito bowl from the beach taco stand and had a bite of Gabe’s chili dog, just to taste it. Jess and Sam got wraps at one of the stands and he ate a bite of Jess’ greek wrap._

_Cas unabashedly ate his way through the boardwalk games. They shared a bag of fresh hot kettle corn and each got an italian ice. Cas got lemon and it was the most refreshing thing he had eaten in a long time. Sam, Jess, and Gabe won at several games, winning Cas a teddy bear, but Cas was on his second italian ice, this time strawberry lemonade and then he found the fried cheesecake stand. He sat on a bench and ate the crispy creamy dessert, dipping it in alternating strawberry and hot fudge sauces._

_When he found the chocolate covered bacon, he had the sense to share it with the others. He was not completely without impulse control. However, after the caramel filled churros, Gabe encouraged him to put the brakes on._

_“Cas, buddy, remember the mango-”_

_“Don’t say it Gabe. If you finish those words and remind me I am gonna puke right here. I am fine as long as you stop, besides I have to save room for dinner,” Cas finished with a smirk._

_He did need a rest though and they headed back down to the beach. Jess and Sam took a walk along the water’s edge and Gabe found a not too crowded place to sit in the warmth of the sun and soon Cas was curled up on his side in the sand, fast asleep._

_When he woke, the sun was going down and Jess put her hand on his back. “Hello, sleepy head.”_

_“Wow, it’s getting late, what time is it?”_

_“It’s almost seven, you slept three hours. Gabe and Sam went to the car to get blankets and pick up some dinner. We are going to watch Jaws on the beach, if you feel up to it.”_

_Cas laughed. “Jaws on the beach sounds like a riot. I feel pretty good actually, but I really have to go to the bathroom. Do you think I should wait til the guys get back?”_

_“No, we can go now and then meet them by the movie area. “It’s a weeknight, so it won’t be too crowded.”_

_It was kind of spooky hearing the waves roll in while watching Jaws, but it was a whole lot of fun even if Gabe did scare Cas three times. They all ate philly cheesesteaks sandwiches and limeades. For dessert they had fresh apple chips and caramel sauce. There were vendors walking around with ice cream but Cas didn’t dare. He lucked out and another vendor came with italian ice and Cas had his third one for the day._

_“I think this lime is good, but plain old lemon is the best,” Cas announced. He had no idea why they all thought that was so funny and he hunkered down in the blankets and watched jaws eat people._

He must have zoned out because before he knew it, they were calling his flight to board. He got up and tossed his trash before running to the bathroom before his section was called. His flight was scheduled for a 6am take off and a 1:39 pm landing but it was only a four and a half hour flight due to the time changes.

He got warm quickly after putting his bag under the seat in front of him so he slipped his hoodie off. He got sick when he was overheated so he wore shorts and a t shirt thinking the hoodie and if necessary a blanket from the flight attendants would be enough.

The air on the plane felt heavy and Cas began to feel uncomfortable, just a little. He was in the aisle on the left side of the huge plane, and the other two seats were not filled yet. He hoped it would be someone understanding. A man in a suit took the window seat, Cas had to hang on to the seat to stand, his knees felt so wobbly.

A mature looking woman in a yellow cardigan sweater with embroidery was coming down the aisle and Cas noticed that she smiled and talked to the children on the flight as she passed by them. He hoped she would get the seat next to him. She looked helpful and he was on the verge of panicking.

When she excused herself to take the middle seat in his row, Cas was sure the entire plane could hear him sigh in relief. They did not talk right away and he was glad for the opportunity to not crumble and fall apart before the plane took off. He put his seat belt on and closed his eyes, even through the safety speech until he felt the plane move.

He gripped the arms of the seat as the plane took off and practically held his breath until the plane leveled off. He reached down and got his water bottle, hands shaking as he sipped it. It did not help and Cas could feel the nausea building. He adjusted the air to blow on his face and closed his eyes again. He was sweating and shaky.

“Are you alright young man?” his seat partner asked him.

“Yes, and no. I am pregnant and I have quite the morning sickness lately.”

She congratulated him and fussed over him asking the flight attendant for a wet paper towel for his head and neck. It was just what Cas needed. He missed Jess already and though Gabe and Sam had been helpful, too, there was something soothing about a motherly touch.

She asked him where he was going and he explained and even found himself telling her about his job at the library and taking Gabe to visit. She was going to Atlanta to see her grandkids and they were going to see the panda’s at the zoo, so Cas had mentioned his zoo trip as well.

_Tuesday Sam and Jess had to go to work for meetings so Gabe and Cas took the bus and walked to the library where Cas had worked. They stopped in to say hello to his mommy and me class and they were thrilled to see him and meet Gabe. They even let him read at story hour and Gabe got to watch him in action._

_They walked to Fambrini’s Cafe for lunch and Cas had his favorite, it was like a turkey club but with garlic mayo and smoked ham with the turkey and bacon. Gabe loved his bbq chicken, piled with cheddar and coleslaw. But what they were really famous for at the little cafe was their dessert bars. They ordered a lemon bar, a raspberry coconut bar, and a salted caramel brownie and shared them. Cas was a little droopy after lunch but Gabe helped him home and a long nap made all the difference in the world._

*****

_With Sam and Jess free on Wednesday they all ventured to San Francisco and they spent the day at the zoo. Sam had signed them up for a ninety minute private guided tour. They even got to feed the giraffes. The animals were all fascinating and the exhibits well done, but the gorillas were magnificent. There were smaller ones, not quite babies and yet not adults. For some reason they reminded Cas of the library and he felt tears prickling at his eyes. There was something about the way they cared for their young that made Cas emotional._

_When the tour ended they found the cafe for lunch. The others had sandwiches and burgers bt Cas ordered a bowl of ramen with five spice. It was full of fresh vegetable and was delicious. After lunch it had warmed up and Cas was tired,  but there was more to see. They hit a coffee cart and got frappes and tried to finish the zoo._

_He wasn’t sure if it was the heat or the five spice or the occasional whiff of animal smell but Cas barely made it to the bathroom before he emptied his stomach. Unlike the restaurant the other night, this bathroom was full and he had to beg them to let him go ahead. He tried to apologize but it took Sam coming in to check on him for the other men to realize what was going on._

_Sam wet a paper towel and offered it to Cas. “Here, wipe your face and I’ll get one for the back of your neck to cool you off. Why don’t you take off your jacket. Morning sickness hits whenever it wants, huh?”_

_Cas just nodded and then Sam helped him out of the bathroom. Gabe had gotten him a water and Cas sipped it. They headed for the car, all three reassuring Cas the tour had been plenty of time with the animals. He slept all the way home and barely remembered being tucked into his bed._

When there was a lull in the conversation the woman encouraged Cas to put his seat back and take a nap. The more he tried to sleep, the worst he felt. When the nausea had reached the point of no return, Cas got up and headed to the back of the plane, the closest bathroom.

Getting sick in a plane was horrendous. It was loud and messy and at least two people had knocked on the door when he was in there. He had to wipe a spot or two on his shirt where it had splashed and he still felt awful. Worse he knew he could not get off for another three hours.

He opened the door to the flight attendant and his new friend who had come to check on him. They helped him to his seat and a cold plastic cup of coke was placed in his hand.

“It’s a little caffeine but the coke will help your stomach settle,” she offered as the attendant placed a cold pack on his neck. He tried to think of something relaxing and he remembered the waves at the beach.

It was a long three hours and many trips to the bathroom. Cas was greyish green in the mirror and he was shaky up and down the aisle. When the plane touched down, he thanked Beatrice, they had become first name friendly when she and the flight attendant Shea had helped him change behind the curtain in the tiny kitchen area. He had vomited on his clothes one trip to the bathroom.

As he deboarded the plane he was in his only spare set of clothes, another pair of khaki shorts and a blue golf shirt, no socks...they got thrown away covered with puke. Somehow they had cleaned his shoes.

He assured them he could get to his gate...there was nothing left to throw up. He did make it, stopping to buy a coke and a dry bagel from a dunkin donuts. He picked and sipped during his hour layover and thought of how lucky he was that Beatrice had been kind and the staff so helpful. It reminded him of his trip to Chinatown.

_They took a selfie at the peak of the Golden Gate Bridge. It was a magnificent view and Cas sent it to Dean right away. It was the last day of their week long adventure and if Cas was honest, he was exhausted. Sam, Jess, and Gabe had been looking forward to this all week and Cas did not want to be a spoil sport._

_The day had started out rough with Cas car sick, most likely from too much breakfast too soon. Sam had exited the expansive interstate 280 and they had let Cas’ stomach settle at the Pulgas Water Temple. It had a beautiful reflecting pool and after a short rest there, the adventurers were on the road again._

_Between all the activity of the week and the walk to the top of the bridge, Cas was a little on edge and quickly worn out so they headed back down and Sam drove them through the city to park so they could. The walk on the bridge had been windy and had taken a lot of Cas energy._

_On the way into China Town, they passed the famous row of Victorian houses. They were side by side and each one was painted with exquisite detail and its own color scheme. It looked like a painting, not a really place to live._

_“Can we stop and get a picture,” Cas asked hopefully. The traffic was a mess, but Gabe and Jess got out and took turns with Cas in front of the beautiful homes and then hopped back in the car. Sam actually turned around when he got the chance and took them up the street again._

_“Look at how intricately and uniquely they are all painted,” Cas commented as they went by the colorful row again. “I would love to live in a house like that. They are kind of skinny, though. How do you think that works for living in them?”_

_Jess, who had once lived in the downtown area explained. “They are skinny but go back really far, so everything inside is usually set up facing the sides of the house instead of the front or back. These in particular are very detailed inside as well. One of my undergrad friends had an aunt who is a big time realtor and she took us in one that was being renovated. Big bucks my friends. They were installing a ten thousand dollar door the day we were there...hand carved.”_

_“They are magnificent,” Cas nearly whispered as they headed off to China Town. He texted a photo of himself in front of the prettiest blue hose to Dean._

**_Cas: Is this what base housing looks like at Langley?”_ **

_He knew Dean was a work and would not answer but he would get it later and know Cas was at least thinking of him while they were out having fun. Only two more days and he would be back in Dean’s arms and for good this time. It was almost too much to think about on top of being tired and always a little sick. He felt tears and tried to wipe them inconspicuously._

_“You alright little brother?” Gabe asked._

_“Yeah, just wishing Dean was here with us.”_

_Sam chimed in. “You’ll be with him soon. Why don’t you rest a bit while we head into find a place to park. This might take a bit of searching.”_

_Jess patted him on the knee with a warm, understanding smile. He returned it before hunkering down,  laying his head on Gabe’s shoulder and closing his eyes._

_China town was almost more than Cas could handle. It was walking, lots of walking and it was noonish  and warm. Cas took off his fleece and tied it around his waist. His long sleeve shirt was still a bit much, but he was stuck with it. The rest of the group was walking to his pace, but Cas was concerned he would be too worn out to walk back to the car. He kept that thought to himself for now._

_The sights and smells were both amazing and alarming. The stands and shops definitely looked nothing like anything he had ever experienced in Kansas. Different birds and cuts of meats hung in windows and lots of foods cooking filled the air with intriguing smells and some not so good. Just as Cas thought he might have to ask to turn around and head back, they came to a section that looked more like restaurants and shopping._

_They stopped for lunch in a place that specialized in dim sum. Jess did all the ordering and interacting with the staff. Carts came around with little plates and steam baskets of food. Cas thought it all looked like art. Each small piece just like the others on the same plate and such attention to detail was unreal._

_“Cas I told the wait person no seafood for you, okay. They combine lots of fish and shellfish and I know you are supposed to be careful with that, so better safe than sorry,” Jess explained._

_They tried some of everything. There were fried dumplings and steamed dumplings and all the sauces were delicious. Some things were wrapped in tiny cabbage leaves some were on top of rice and all were amazing and beautiful.  Cas’ favorite were little pork buns._

_“Where are the little pork pillows,” Cas asked as he searched the table for the right basket._

_They all laughed and Jess asked for more when a wait person passed by. There was a slip of paper on the table and the wait staff had stamps they used to mark what you had taken from the carts or ordered. It was extremely well organized chaos._

_Cas was careful not to overeat, he knew he had a lot of walking to do and he tried to ask for a ginger ale. He shrugged his shoulders at Jess across from him and hoped for the best.  A woman who looked different from the wait staff came with a tray holding a small pot and handleless cup. She placed the tray down and poured what was clearly tea for Cas and smiled._

_Cas was not by any means judgemental of other cultures, but he was not sure what was in this tea and he was torn. On one hand he wanted to be sure it would not harm the tiny baby he was carrying and on the other, he did not want to be a cultural snob and refuse what was be offered so specially for him. He put his hand to his belly and looked at the woman with the unspoken question, hoping she would understand._

_She nodded furiously and patted her belly and formed her arms to illustrate holding a baby. She spoke quickly to an employee in Chinese and they disappeared. A young man who looked college aged came and spoke to her before turning to Cas._

_“Grandmother would like you to know that this is ginger tea and is herbal. It is used for when sickness comes with the baby.”_

_“Thank you,” Cas said with a nod and smile to the woman. He sipped it very carefully because it was hot and if it tasted too strong he did not want a huge mouthful. It tasted just like warm flat ginger ale and was actually pretty good. He nodded again and the woman smiled and left._

_After a few sips, cas actually felt his stomach settling. The rest of the table was still eating away but Cas knew better from the Indian food incident. They were chatting away when the woman reappeared and set a dish down in front of him. It looked like shaved ice._

_She said carefully, “Lemongrass and ginger ice.” She watched Cas’ first bite and then she left. This continued on for some time with her bringing very mild starchy things for him to try and leaving after his first bite. None of Cas’ dishes were ever marked on the paper._

_As they paid their bill and left, the woman approached Cas with the young man. She showed him a picture of two men. He smiled at her as the young man explained._

_“Grandmother came to America as a baby. These are her fathers. It was not acceptable then in China. She was born to a man and they could not stay. They left all of their family to be sure she was safe. They came and started this restaurant as a small food stand. Now it is well known. She wants to wish you good luck and many happy years with your family and especially the baby. You are lucky to live here and be able to have you family with you.”_

_They were stunned and Cas reached out to hug her, not sure if it was appropriate. She hugged him back and they both nodded through their tears. Cas asked Sam to take a photo of them together and the woman looked very happy. Cas left touched and grateful. He wrote down the name of the restaurant and vowed to send her a picture of his family when the baby was born._

 

The second leg of his flight boarded and he was no better after the few bites of bagel. He had texted Dean to let him know he was not feeling well. Dean wanted to call the airline and have Cas escorted who knew where to be seen by a doctor but Cas assured him it was only morning sickness and it was only another hour or so until Dean himself could take care of Cas.

Now he sat in his aisle seat near the front of the small plane and he had no choice but to tell the flight attendant already. Once again Delta was kind and caring. They moved Cas to the first class section of the not crowded flight and got him a pillow and a blanket.

“Newport is a small airport and we are not usually full. Not much longer now, hon.”

Cas thanked her and the attendant got him a ginger ale after he told her the coke was making him jittery.

The plane took off and Cas barely made it until the seatbelt sign was turned off. He spent most of the flight bent over the toilet  in the ridiculously tiny bathroom, though he managed to somehow stay clean.

The attendants had to go through the cabin with drink service but they checked on him often and got him ice and cold packs for his forhead and the back of his neck. He fell asleep with half an hour left in the flight.

He was exhausted and apparently slept through the passengers parading right by him and getting off the plane because he was awakened by one of the attendants gently shaking his shoulder. They had let him sleep until almost the last people were off.

Cas immediately needed to throw up again but it was dry heaving and he quickly gathered his things, thanked the staff and walked off the plane to find Dean.

Once in the airport he stopped to text Dean that he was there and heading to the baggage claim. There was a section of the hall with mirror and cas saw himself. He looked absolutely awful and not how he wanted to look when he saw Dean for the first time in four months, but he was so glad to be on the ground and so ready to see his husband that he honestly didn’t care.

He had held it together most of the day but each step that brought him closer to Dean made him more emotional and suddenly he found himself on the escalator down to baggage, eyes full of tears. He saw Dean standing near the entrance of the claim, not even tear blurry vision could stop him from recognizing the love of his life in military camouflage. He called to Dean but his voice did not rise above a coarse whisper.

He barely made it safely off the escalator and the last ten steps seemed like forever but then Dean was there, wrapping him in his arms and sobbing with him. They held on for what seemed like forever, people commented and congratulated them on being together, a few even clapped.

Finally Dean managed to speak. He cradled Cas' head with one hand and wrapped his arm around Cas' waist. He planted several sweet kisses wherever he could reach, cheek, temple, neck... and said, “Heya, Cas.”

Cas picked his head up from where he had nestled into his husband’s neck, from where it belonged but could not be for so long and he smiled, weakly, and said the only thing he could manage at the moment…

“Hello, Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of this section of the verse... Next up, getting Cas a little help and then adventures in military life...


End file.
